Newly-single people realize they neglected their friends when they were coupled.

Image source: Pexels.com

“When coupled people are in the process of demoting friends, they may or may not feel particularly bad about it. Marginalizing friends is what many coupled people do; it’s the norm. They value their romantic relationship more. When that relationship ends, though, many feel devastated. Then they expect their friends to be there for them, to comfort and support them, even though they may have neglected those friends once they became coupled. That’s the friendship norm: Friends are supposed to be there for you in a crisis. Sometimes, though, their friends are not there for them. Sometimes, after a breakup, people lose custody of their friends, especially when some side with their ex. How do they feel about that? How do they make sense of it? To answer those questions, Gaelle Aeby of the University of Manchester (UK) and Jenny van Hooff of Manchester Metropolitan University analyzed 20 relevant threads from two internet forums.

Emotional Reactions Depends on Who Was Seen as “Owning” a Friend

The participants categorized the friends in terms of who they saw as “owning” them, and their reactions to losing custody of friends depended on who they thought the friends belonged to.

• Their ex’s friends. Some friends were seen as belonging to the ex. The participants may have felt badly about losing those friends, but the loss was not surprising.

• Mutual friends. Some friends were regarded as mutual—“owned” by both partners. Losing custody of a mutual friend was often painful and confusing. Sometimes people tried to get those friends back.

• Their own friends. The most devastating loss was when a friend they considered “theirs” sided with an ex after a breakup. People were often shocked by this and regarded it as a betrayal.

The emotional implications of losing friends extended beyond relationships with those friends. Other people in their social networks sometimes took sides, too, and custody battles over friends also added to the contentiousness of breakups.”

Read the full available article on Psychology Today

Reflection: How should we make time for (Mutal, ex and our own friends) during a relationship to make sure we don’t have a falling out with them if our relationship ends?

#Break-up #Friendship #LosingCustody