The Science-Backed Ways to Change Your Personality

"Many of us have one aspect of our personality we’d love to change. A short temper. Inability to let things go. A penchant for procrastination. For years, researchers thought it was impossible to change your personality. It was fully formed by early adulthood and that’s it.

But now, a body of research by personality psychologists shows that we can change, that many of us want to, and that we’re often happier when we do. A key is to start small. Use your strengths to change your weaknesses and fake it until you make it.

Changing your personality, like changing a habit, takes time and effort, psychologists say. Many people who want to make big changes choose to go to therapy. But you can successfully work on this at home, too. Here’s how.

• Identify which traits you want to change.

Be honest about your weaknesses.

If you’re brave, you can ask your loved ones for help. Or you could take a personality test.

Journaling may also be effective, says Erica Baranski, a psychologist who runs the Mechanisms of Personality Change Lab at California State University, East Bay. She recommends you write about a situation where you felt anxious or down and explore what it is about yourself that may have contributed to this feeling. That will help you recognize what to work on.

• Start small—and be specific.

Set a realistic goal. “Be a happy person” may not be a good start—it’s too big and fuzzy. But “be kinder to strangers” is manageable.

• Fake it until you make it.

Behave as if you have the personality you want, recommends Dr. Hudson.

Break your goal into manageable chunks. You can do this by identifying small actions to change. Think about people you know who have the personality trait you want. How do they behave? Copy them.

Identify discrete actions, and create a to-do list. Trying to be a more organized person? Put “reply to emails in 24 hours,” “leave five minutes earlier for meetings” and “keep an updated calendar” on your list.

It also can be helpful to make an “if-then” plan, says Dr. Damian. If you want to be friendlier, tell yourself: “If I get on the elevator at work with other people, then I will say hi.” Psychologists call this an implementation intention.

• Use your strengths.

Say you’re shy but diligent. If you’ve decided you want to be more talkative, make a detailed plan: Who will you talk to? When? How will you start the conversation?

“Leverage the things you’re already good at to help with your weaknesses,” says Dr. Roberts.

• Track your progress.

You need to hold yourself accountable, says Dr. Baranski.

Keep a log. For some, this may be a journal. For others a spreadsheet. You’ll know what works for you.

Write down your daily goals: “I’m going to smile at three strangers and give one compliment today.” Set a reminder on your phone so you can remember them.

Then make a plan to reflect on your progress regularly, say once a week. How do the changes in your behavior make you feel? Is there anything else you can add?

• Stick with it.

Personality change is slow. When Dr. Hudson studies it, he sees small shifts take months. But he does see change happen.

“Personality is like the stock market—there will be temporary ups and downs,” he says. “But over the long-term it will have an upward trajectory, especially if you work at it.”

Read the full article on The Wall Street Journal

✨Takeaway: If there is an aspect of your personality you are not fond of, research shows that you can change it. Setting the goal alone won't help; you must also take doable steps and maintain your commitment.

✨Reflection: If you could change one aspect of your personality what would it be? (I would prefer to be less of a procrastinator!)

#Personality #Psychology #Self #Wellness #Self-Improvement

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