People-pleasing involves speaking and behaving to accommodate the emotional needs of others, typically to the detriment of your own needs. Statistically, people-pleasing behavior is more prominent in women than men. A 2010 study showed that 54% of women are suffering greater adverse effects on both mental and physical health from people-pleasing behaviors, compared to 40% of men.

Reducing people-pleasing at home can improve personal and family relationships by reducing resentment and feelings of being underappreciated. If you believe people want to be around you for who you are, and not what you can do for them, you will develop a stronger belief in your inherent lovability.

• Don’t offer unsolicited advice, guidance, or problem-solving strategies unless you’re specifically asked. We engage in these behaviors to secure a feeling of indispensability for the relationship. However, if guidance is ignored, it can create frustration and resentment.
• Practice not saying yes when you want to say no. When you offer to do things you don’t want to, it can lead to a lack of follow-through. This creates internal tension, decreasing self-respect, as well as relationship problems.
• Avoid overthinking or personalizing interactions. Exercise patience to wait and see if anything is wrong. Practice developing alternative scenarios that verify what you saw that has nothing to do with you. Exercise frustration tolerance to avoid security check-ins before making assumptions.

Challenging people-pleasing behaviors at work can improve job performance, increase feelings of self-worth, and put you on a path to satisfy your goals for success.

• Be honest with yourself and avoid overselling yourself to prove your worth to a client or supervisor. Trust and believe in your own value instead of trying to over-please. Trying to over-please a supervisor can backfire. It can adversely affect their view of you and lower your self-respect as well.
• Only apologize once for making a mistake. Errors are unintentional and growth comes from them so don’t punish yourself for making a mistake.
• Resist the impulse of anticipating someone else’s needs or jumping in to do their work—unless it’s requested. You may feel you’re being kind and generous, but if it’s not reciprocated later, it can fuel resentment.

What I have learned from the article

• The ability to value others more than oneself strengthens one's self-worth in the eyes of others.

• Individuals who are people pleasers may over-observe others' micro-expressions and verbal nuances.

• You can avoid people-pleasing at work by stopping overcompensating and feeling responsible for mistakes that your coworkers do.

Read the complete article here

💬 Do you sometimes feel like you are putting the needs of others over your own?

💬 Do you think setting boundaries to avoid people-pleasing behavior is important? What are some other techniques that you know/have tried?

#mentalhealth #well-being #people-pleaser #pleasingothers