Why Is It So Hard for Men to Make Close Friends?

“The four strategies below won't eliminate all of the obstacles that can stand in the way of deep male friendship, but they are a start.

Practice vulnerability, even if it makes you uncomfortable

Some men face in developing meaningful, platonic bonds boil down to how they’ve been socialized to equate masculinity with strength, competitiveness and stoicism, even as traditional gender norms have shifted. Those qualities can make close friendship tricky.

• One simple way to practice being emotionally unguarded is to tell your friends how you feel about them. It’s just so important for your friends to know that you value the relationship — that you admire the person or you respect the person or you love the person.

• It might feel quite uncomfortable to call someone out of the blue and tell them that you love them; instead, consider sharing your appreciation after spending time together or on the heels of an emotional exchange.

Don’t assume friendship happens organically

Putting yourself out there and making it clear that you are looking for friends sounds fairly obvious, but Dr. Franco said she had been continually surprised by how many believed that adult friendships tend to form organically, as they do in childhood.

• “Making friends as an adult requires initiative,” she said.

• Dr. Franco advises people to put themselves in recurring social situations, by, for example, joining a club or a class, so that there is opportunity for getting to know new friends over time.

Use activities to your advantage

“Boys and men tend to be socialized to do group activities kind of side by side,” Dr. Rabinowitz said. Those looking to expand their social circle, or turn an acquaintance into a closer friend, can lean into that propensity.

• “Saying ‘Let’s go to the game together’ or ‘Let’s play poker’ — that can allow them to have contact with other guys and play with them, which can make it easier to talk,” he said.

• Dr. Franco recommends finding ways to turn daily activities into opportunities for connection, too. If you are a runner, invite a friend to go for a run with you. If you work from home, she said, ask a colleague to come over and “co-work.”

Harness the power of casual check-ins

According to a study published in July 2022, casually reaching out to friends and acquaintances — through, say, a quick text or email — means more to those people than we tend to realize, and is particularly powerful when the contact is unexpected.”

Read the full article on The New York Times

✨Takeaway: A survey found that men were less likely than women to rely on their friends for emotional support or to share their personal feelings with them. So, it can make it hard to make friends. The strategies above are some mindful approaches that are a good place to start.

✨Reflection: Have you ever struggled with friendships?

#Friendships #Men #Wellbeing #Vulnerability #MentalHealth #Relationships #Bonds