What is Domestic Abuse?

Led by @Alicattt in the LCR at 1PM on October 9th 2015

IceBreaker

"so Whos one person youre closest to?"

"Mostly my mum is the closest"

"My Husband"

"I'm closest to my cat"

Questions

1.How would you define Domestic Abuse?

"any kind of abuse,, be it mental/physical/emotional,,, that happens within a family"

"It can be all of those things with in any form of relationship"

"physical,, mental,, emotional.. and sometimes sexual abuse,, within a relationship"

"It can put a lot of pressure on people. And can easily be use for manipulation and power plays"

2.What are some common reasons/causes of Domestic Abuse?

"Alcohol, drugs, substances is one of them I'm assuming".

"feeling the need to be in power... or being a control freak"

"Depression, bereavement"

"Stress"

"Frustration, lack of trust, mis understanding etc"

3.Can we think of any specific situations this is more likely to happen?

"'Fear' is most common reason ! fear of losing the power, fear of losing the authority, fear of losing the respect , fear of losing the possession."

"specific situation may be: Trust issue and doubts"

4.How can you identify and recognise Domestic Abuse?

"Well, for one thing It's pretty normal to try to isolate the other person from family and friends"

"I think when you find yourself having more stress and anxiety from them than good times, it starts to be a concern"

5.What about physical abuse? How can we recognize that?

"Well, if one person is keen to keep the distance to the other one. Or seem afraid in general. Or have bruises"

"By the black and blue marks all over the person;s body for one thing"

"physical abuse is any time they physically hurt you or forcibly make you do something you dont want to do"

6.How can we tell the difference between abuse and an accident?

"Hmm.. If it happens frequently"

"certain marks are clearly shown from another person"

"frequent "accidents" should cause some concern"

"the person's demeanor in general can also be a clue"

7.What feelings can a person experiencing Domestic Abuse struggle with?

"In any abuse case, you would naturally feel ashamed of yourself but really it's the abusers fault!"

"to let people know they're being abused, but can't speak up at that time"

"Guilt shame self blame"

"Actually, feeling like its your fault"

"then you feel worthless and crazy so you dont mention anything"

8.What are the long-term effects of Domestic Abuse for the victim?

"ptsd"

"Mistrust of self and others"

"mentall illness"

"I imagine it can be really hard to just cope with everyday life, after being abused for too long."

"anxiety issues"

"Low self-worth"

"chronic illnesses"

"I suppose panic attacks can be a result from being abused".

"damaged relationships and friendships"

9.So, Why is it so hard for people to get out of an abusive relationship?

"fear of being alone"

"they begin to think they deserve it"

"they begin self doubting"

"For one thing it's a psychological thing as well. They get used to it. And getting out of it is scary, because it's change. And change can be really scary something. It's all they know at the point."

10.How can someone free themselves from Domestic Abuse?

"They need to accept that it's not right, and that they don't deserve it"

"they need to talk to someone after admitting it and get out!"

"I think the best way to get out of an abusive relationship is to get help and try to separate oneself from it"

11.How can we better support a Domestic Abuse victims needs?

"By explaining to them and convincing them that what's happening with them isn't right or "normal"

"dont judge and actively listen"

"Maybe show them an example of people in a similiar situation, and make them make an analysis of it, since that way they can be more objective."

"So making them aware of what domestic abuse is in general, and then the application to their situation"

"I think reminding the victim that the abuser is accountable and responsible for his actions and she/he is not."

12.What are things NOT to say to someone dealing with Domestic Abuse?

"That you feel sorry for them"

"making them feel its their fault"

"As with most things.. NEVER trivialize it"

"Never go.. "It's not that bad, just get out of it."

13.What can the 7Cups community do to prevent and/or help victims of Domestic Abuse?

"raise awareness"

"Listen"

"support and validate people if they bring up this issue"

"Raise awareness, support the members who are struggling with it and let them know help is out there... Discussion and education"

"By listening to them, confirming whether its really an abuse, making them realize that they are a victim of abuse, referring them to the proper authorities in their locale"

"By listening, validating, supporting and empowering them. Letting them know that they have the options. Helping them make a safety plan."

Participants : @IrishCat @TOfflan @LauraG @WindnBreezy @Minionator @JTheElderRam @CaringPotato @LoveApple @Elle22 @peacefulSoul8 @Rycochet @carefreePerspective39 @AdutchLifeguard @Belle_ @musicalMagic82 , @PenguinPower31 @Resolve