Crushed as I contemplate divorce. Help!

Hello my community!

I've been going through a difficult relationship for a decade and have even been married for the last two and a half years. In the last couple of months I started noticing how the relationship was harming me deeply. My partner kept cheating on me (*** and phone sex) and sometimes was even open about a romantic relationship he had developed since 2023, which he claimed didn't have a sexual component. He made me believe this was all okay. He was sorry for what were a couple of 'aberrations' and that I was insecure for no reason. I developed chronic depression and anxiety and have been on medication for the last 5 years. I've finally realized how unsafe this relationship has been for me and in the last few months we have talked about divorce but I'm honestly so scared. During one of the discussions around divorce he became violent. He didn't hit me but I was so scared that he would. I also contemplated running away to a friend's place around 3 am but I was feeling physically overwhelmed and frozen. When he noticed I was trembling and frozen he hugged and caressed me, which felt equally scary. I couldn't push him away. I could finally breathe when he slept around 4 am. I haven't been alone in the same room as him since and we hardly speak now. But this is all still so raw and painful.

I know we need to go through the legal route now and that is a while other headache. Plus, we have been a very public couple with a huge social circle. I'm scared of people's questions and it is going to take so much strength to face people as a 'divorced woman', especially in a society where it is a big taboo. My partner is a public personality (I am too, somewhat) and I'm scared he'll make me go through public humiliation. This is all super sad and anxiety- inducing, also because I keep encountering flashbacks from 'happy times' in my relationship. The people around me who are very supportive of me are puzzled (maybe annoyed also) that I still don't see him as a villain. But this is so difficult when you're the one going through all this. What all can I do to ease some of the pain?