He made me uneasy..

I want to get rid of this feeling because prior to that, I felt good. I was having some work done and the company was cancelling and lying about being unavailable.

So as it was completed and all that was left was a follow up. I decided to ignore them and not deal with it.

But today he randomly showed up and I was floored. I thought it was the Postie with parcels I'm expecting and I just felt uneasy and afraid, if I'm honest.

I wanted to confront about his attitude but he put on this nice guy demeanor and it made me feel so scared.

I thought how will he act being confronted? Will he shout, will he be aggressive? It's me and him alone...

And it just took me back to walking on eggshells, forcing myself to be friendly towards those verbally abusive..

On one hand, I'm disappointed that I didn't speak my mind and on the other hand, I know myself..

I don't know if I was shaking but I just felt so vulnerable.

He didn't say long, gave me an update and said get in touch if I need anything and afterwards I locked the door and sat down.

My voice was just gone....... I could barely mumble a response.. There wasn't any aggression or bad words but it still transported me back home..

All those times caught, stuck, fearing for my life and having no expression, no words, no escape.

As much as I hate it because I feel teary eyed. I think this will stay with me for a bit..

It's trying to be nice, expecting good things and then someone betraying you and mistreating you and still being forced to deal with them, because I don't have the strength to block them.

It's just too much, too dangerous.

Maybe I'm making too big a deal, nothing happened and unfortunately, I have another strange guy coming tomorrow to fix the boiler.

From Thursday though, hopefully nothing else...