10+ year relationship, he
My ex (35m) left me (31f) for a 40y/o female co worker with a kid about 2 weeks ago.
Weve been together for 10 years. He never even wanted kids. Apparently this woman chased him for a year and a half and he never even told me about her.
The breakup was awful, many tears on both sides.
Im unable to leave the home we built together at present and I had put it to him that he should go be with his new gf since he chose her over me.
The first night after he texts me telling me that it sucks being away from our home and that he misses me. I made him stay another night with her and he came home again. I had hoped that... it would push him into a realization that this isnt what he really wanted. Unfortunately he came back with even more sadness saying he felt guilty about her because he promised her he would give her a try.
I sent him back to her place again.
He stayed the night and our home last night because he said he missed being home and he missed grocery shopping with me and he missed our furbaby dog. We had a casual day of hanging out watching TV and what not, but when I went to bed, the atmosphere changed.
He told me that he missed touching me, and I asked him to comfort me by sleeping in the bed with me and cuddling me (no sex). He says I should work on myself, that he doesnt want to give me false hope... I feel like theres forgiveness in my heart but Im not sure if Im approaching this the right way.
sounds like he cant make up his mind on what he wants and who he wants to be with.
spend time apart to give each other headspace to figure out what you want?
@secretJackfruit7475 I feel the same way. My biggest fear is that if I push him away... I wont be there for him when he needs me? If that makes sense? I care so much about him, and Im really afraid for him... is this feeling normal?
@versatileCar8340
I've learnt if someone truly vales you, he or she would Not just disappear
Wow, you are super understanding and chill. Bravo for handling this shitty situation as well as you have.
However, it sounds as if you're being a bit of a sucker and he's using you.
You're right in that he should leave as he's the one who has made this happen. My advice is let him go with her whilst you get busy making yourself happy and undroppable. act as if you no longer give 2 shits about him. Don't contact him, don't let him in. Let him realise what he's lost.
Right now, he's got the power. He can have the comfort of you and your old lifestyle and the thrill and excitement of a new relationship!
Give it a month. Get super healthy. Keep yourself active and a happy as you can. Don't chase him. He'll see that he's messed up and what's he's missing. If he stays with her, then so be it. It's final. Maybe he'll come crawling back ... Will you even want him back ?
Anyways, that's my two cents from an older male.
Good luck (and good riddance!)
