5 Years in a Relationship w/ My Best Friend...and Today I Find Condoms.

Let me start by saying this has been the most difficult and traumatic 8 months of my life (NOT becuase of my boyfriend.) Here's the short version of the timeline:

- Last December 2016 - My smart, healthy 25-year-old little brother goes to sleep at my parents house and doesn't wake up. He just died. Autopsy showed no issues, so doctors said probably an undiagnosed heart condition. My family is very close, it crushed us.

- January, my first day back to work after my brother's death. I'm finally working at my dream job. First day back, they tell us our company is merging that week. New company wasn't the same dynamic, much longer hours, but it kept my mind off my grief.

- May/June - My boyfriend's mom's cancer goes downhill really quickly and she's hospitalized for weeks. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, I'm very close with his family. I stayed with them in the hospital. She passed away early June.

- 1 week after her funeral, I get fired from my job without a real reason given. It's my first time being fired.

- 2 weeks ago, my boyfriend's dad gets diagnosed with stage 3 cancer.

- Last week I was out of town. When I got back, there were a couple weird things - 1/2 bottle of wine that wasn't mine (and my boyfriend doesn't drink wine), 2 VIP bracelets from a club - but my boyfriend just said he had people over, so whatever.

- TODAY, I'm putting away some clean socks for him and I find 2 new boxes of condoms, one is opened with an empty condom wrapper inside. It was not used with me.

I literally don't even know how to handle this right now, I just feel frozen. I can't take this on while I'm still dealing with all the other things. My boyfriend and I have been each other's rocks through all of the things we've been going through lately. We've been together 5 years, living together for 4 years. We're in our 30s, and while we aren't married yet, were planning to get married and have kids and continue to take on life together.

When I asked him about the condoms he said they were old, he found them while cleaning, and he put them in his top drawer. He said he doesn't know why one is open.

Any and all advice is welcome, I don't even know where to begin to comprehend and deal with this. I'm so emotionally drained before this, and now this, I just don't even know.

I'm about to go out and buy lottery tickets or something because SOMETHING has to go right for me this year. I mean really.