Abusive Relationship Ended
So, just a few days ago, the abuse in my relationship hit a new level. After drinking quite a bit my boyfriend pinned me down onto the bed, and while struggling to get up, he head butted me in the face twice to get me back down, thus breaking my nose. He wouldnt let me out and I had to escape through our bathroom window. Despite this and previous incidents I miss him like mad, I wasnt allowed to have any other friends really so he was all I had for two years so now that its over I feel like Ive no one. My family is supportive but I feel like no one understands! I have been to court and everything, it just feels like even the abuse wasnt as bad as how I feel now, as stupid as that is. I just need support from people who know where Im coming from I suppose.
@lightCamp2252 I understand. After nine years of an emotionally, psychologically, and sexually abusive relationship and about a year of trying to leave, I firmly walked away on Monday morning. I am emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, and physically drained from nine years of isolation, manipulation, and terror. People who have not been in abusive relationships seem to think that it's easy to just walk away. It's not. It's scary. It's painful. It's lonely...especially when you have few to no friendships outside the relationship. I reached out to a few people on Monday after I left. Some of them asked me if I feel safe in my home. I was astounded by the people who just didn't seem to care or didn't express concern for my safety. I wish more people understood. I, too, need support.
@tealNest3099 I know its so difficult! I dont know about you but I am so so fed up of people telling me to be strong! Its so raw, I dont know how to be strong right now, I literally just keep thinking about how much I want to be with him right now, do you? I feel so stupid for feeling that way though! Everyone is rushing me to do all of the legal stuff, but no one is actually considering how I might feel right now. I just want it all to be over. How are you coping?
@lightCamp2252 It's hard because so much of my life was (and is still) wrapped up in him. I now have to remove him from my benefits at work. I have to get my own phone plan. I have to do things for myself that he did. He charmed my family and friends; they ask when we're getting married. Yeah, it seems easier to just go back, to apologize, to try to move forward, but I'm honestly afraid that if I do that I will spend the rest of my life terrified. I find myself thinking that if he just gets the help he needs, goes to counseling, that things will be OK. But, I know he'll never change, so I have to change.
Well I think you are doing fantastically! I dont know about you but I literally think about him every minute of the day, my thoughts literally go from hating him one minute, to me in tears over how much I miss him! I have a protection order against him, but I gave into my heart I suppose and I unblocked his number and texted him! Definitely the wrong thing to do, but Ive been so good lately its hard not to with the temptation there. But he never replied! Everything reminds me of him. Everyone keeps telling me that Im better off without him, but sometimes its hard to know, he was abusive when he was drinking, and extremely controlling the rest of the time, but he have such fantastic memories together and we shared so much love at the same time its so hard to forget about all of that! @tealNest3099
@lightCamp2252 Boy, do I fully understand. I went to get a new phone plan yesterday and I had to contact him about it. Because I was on his family plan, he technically owned my phone number...a number I had before I even met him. He went from being angry to being kind and generous. He's sent such sweet texts to me since yesterday afternoon. I feel totally unsettled because I'm questioning whether I will survive without him. I keep worrying that my whole life is going to fall apart, though I know this is an irrational worry. We have a lot of great memories of time together, especially traveling the world. Yet, I know that he has never loved me. Love, abuse, and control cannot coexist. They are not complimentary.
