Being a mutual decision doesn't stop the pain
Here goes....
My wife of 20 year and I have decided to divorce. In short, our twin daughters died while still babies 8 years ago and now, although we have a wonderful 5 year old boy, we we can simply no longer live together. We've always had problems on and off but, I think, our roads to recovery after the girls' deaths have been so different that we can no longer continue as a family unit. There is such a wall of sadness between us that no amount of counseling, etc has been able to overcome.
I know it sounds odd coming from a guy but all I've ever wanted in life is to be married, have kids and grow old together. That dream has been destroyed. I really don't know how to pick up the pieces and stay sane and cool during the seemingly enormous time required to disentangle our lives together and decide on parenting arrangements for our boy.
I'm feeling lost and rudderless.
@TheSleech
I'm sorry you're going through so much pain and grief. For what it's worth, I don't think it's strange for you to want to share your life with someone and build a family with her and even though things didn't work out, there's no reason you can't still find someone who can make you happy.
You have a son and you have strong paternal instincts to stay composed and navigate some incredibly difficult emotions. But you don't have to go through this alone. I'm not an expert with divorce, but I can tell you that with any loss, having support makes bearing that loss easier, if only just a tiny bit. You've lost alot and it is exhausting to try to keep everything in your life from falling apart. Finding a new routine suddenly after having established daily rituals for years isn't easy but eventually you'll get there. For now, allow yourself to grieve, give yourself a break from having to stay strong, find things that make you comfortable and give yourself the care and attention you would give to someone you love as if they had lost a limb. Let the people who love you and care about you take care of you and tend to you. Mostly, don't be afraid to ask for help, even just for a short while. There's a whole community here that wants to help. I hope that you find your way again and that your shattered dream isn't shattered forever.
