Breakup/Anxiety/Suicidal thoughts

I had been dating a girl for 2 years (6 month long sitance relationship). When we were in the long distance relationship, she cheated on me with a friend of her friend. I was shattered, I had suicidal thoughts, I just couldn't cope up with the thought of her doing this and me losing her. I still managed to give here another chance. She said I could take all the time to trust her again but she asked for another change so I gave her one. 1 month later she broke up with me saying she wasn't happy because of my behaviour whereas I was just coping with what had happened. I was devastated. After 2 days I got drunk, I drank a lot and I drunk texted her telling her how much I loved her and everything. I drank so much that I was in the hospital next day with I. V. in my veins. She felt sorry and eventually we ended 7o getting together. We met 2 months later and after meeting things started to get better. I started to trust her again and things we smooth with the normal ups and downs of a relationship, nothing serious. It's almost 2 years of our relationship now things have started to get bad again. She has male friends around her in college, she holds hands with them taking a walk, let's guys keep their hands around her shoulders, deleted her chats with the male friends of hers, told me she doesn't want me to visit her when she with her friends. She said she doesn't consider this as anything and they're just friends but I think she'll end up cheating with me again in the future and the things she was doing were hurting me a lot. So I decided to break up. But I still end up texting her, calling her, making sure she is safe when she's travelling and I can't get over her. I miss her a lot and I love her a lot and I care for her a lot but I don't think she does.