Breakup
Hello. My girlfriend and I broke up a little over a month ago and I thought I was starting to move on but recently I'm not so sure. Anything that reminds me of her makes me sad and when I'm alone at night I get emotional and I'm filled with despair. Has anyone else experienced this and if so, how did you cope? I dont know what to do - J
Met this Guy last year at school that made me feel like nobody has before. I have the biggest crush and finally got the courage to shoot my shot on February 14, 2020. Yes On Valentines day. next thing I know it actually worked out my way and I got him. We dated for almost a month and I was the happiest I had ever been. I opened up to him which is something I have never done before and when I was around her all my anxiety and stress just disappeared. Then our one month comes and I can slowly see him drift away. It started from no more I love yous to not sending hearts and eventually we didnt even say good morning or goodnight. We hung out less. He left me and said he was sorry and said it wasn't. my fault he told me to not be mad or sad or to worry about it he said that he just couldn't afford any distractions and I got that, but it isn't that easy. but he doesn't get how i'm dying now that he probably broke with me because i'm ugly af. but he acted as if nothing happened. i'm still crying over him, i have tried suicide twice and have cut and scars all over my arms and thighs, i blame everything on myself, and when i see him i still feel the same butterflies i got since day one. i still love him and when i saw he was happy, i told myself i'm happy for him, but deep down i know i wish he was by my side. that he was hugging me and holding me in his arms. Every night I'm up until 3 am crying over him and I just sit there and stare at my ceiling when I can no longer cry. When I feel numb from all the crying, I just want to feel something, and I cut my wrist and I only hurt myself more by going through all our old messages. I talked to friends about it but it feels like I'm only falling more and now I am online trying to get over him but I just can't.
@2019DOGS
Firstly please don't harm yourself . Your life is precious and wasting on someone who doesn't even care is absolutely wrong . Just look at your friends and family before thinking of suicide , how will they feel ?? Why to hurt those who really love you and not the ones who are just temporary ? I know saying all this is damn easy but trust me that if that person really loved you would have stayed in any situation. Everything happens for a reason dear! Give some time everything will be fine and you'll grow much stronger. The person who truely loves you doesn't leave you rather tries to be there always and you'll definitely get one!!
@mungdi99
But, why is it so hard, I still feel the same Butterflies, I was in a relationship for over a year before him and this one was only a mont hand it hurt me more.
My Family hates me and my "friends" only talk to me when they have problems, and even tho I try to help, it feels fake because i'm in no better situation.
@2019DOGS I'm struggling with the same problem right now, my girlfriend of eight years left me unexpectedly and I've never felt more hurt and alone in my entire life. My family doesn't like me much, and my friends typically only talk to me to vent about there problems. I hope you have or can find something for comfort, no one deserves to feel like this. Thank you for posting, It's a bittersweet feeling knowing someone feels the same way I do.
@Zale and what hurts the most is that im dieing inside and he knows, HE SEES IT and even tho we didn't last i wish SO much that we did, he saved me from death, but then he became death him self... and i see him everyday and he's happier...
@2019DOGS
I am literally going through this myself. My wife that I've been with for 10 years ended us and refuse to fight for us and while I am the one sad and depressed she walks around as if she dnt care and it hurts. I am here for you. I understand exactly how you feel 😔
@2019DOGS I know how that feels.. she's been doing amazing since she left me, and I'm doing terrible.. I broke yesterday and hurt myself, and I'm so ashamed of myself. I went to far and had to go to the emergency room, then I lied and told my family it was a simple accident. I'm having such a miserable time without her..
@Zale Actully me too, I was crying so much and i tried to text one of my friends but that didnt really help, i grabed the blade, and went in deep... blamed it on a nail that is sticking out of my wall... theye never know when i came out of my room crying two nights ago they asked if i was ok i said no and bursted out into more tears and they just laughed and left me there to cry and i feel so alone rn
@Zale i don't know why it hurts so much.. even tho we only lasted a month no joke... before him i was in another relationship wich was a year and they hurt me way more... they did something i could NEVER forgive... but it hurts more after him I cant get him of f my mind i think about him 24/7 and i still LOVE him wich i know i have absoltly no right to love him but i do and i just wish that i could get one last change...one last text before i go. I miss him and im trying but its so fucking hard I want to give up so bad and i dont know what to do anymore
@2019DOGS hey, I've been in a similar situation. When I was in college (not very long ago, I am 24) I met this amazing guy who I was essentially madly in love with and it seemed like he also really loved me until he very suddenly became super distant. I was seriously heartbroken. First off, what you are going through is basically a withdrawal from all these love and attachment hormones. Men and woman produce the same amount of oxytocin (the love hormone).. but testosterone, which men produce more of, combats the oxytocin meaning that woman become more attached in a shorter period of time then men (in a general sense). But guys will still feel heartbroken, just maybe many months after the fact (not my point). Since men, when in love, don't feel the same sense of attachment when they have fallen in love... the tend to talk themselves out of it. Maybe they are scared, or maybe they feel like they are drifting from who they were as an independent person.. either way guys are cowards and they talk themselves out of being in a committed relationship for endless amount of reasons. BUT just because he talked himself out of it, doesn't mean that none of it was real. It absolutely was (especially based on what you described) and if he's made his decision, chances are he might not change his mind. But the point is, evolutionary psychology and biology can factually prove to you that THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
@2019DOGS AND... because he did decide to distance himself from you actually doesn't have anything to do with you. He is emotionally unavailable and not ready to make a commitment even though he loved you very much. This is very very common among guys so please please please don't feel like it's your fault. You're cutting because you want to feel the same rush that falling in love with him gave you, but you have to understand and imprint it in your brain that cutting isn't going to bring you anything but guilt and shame. It might feel good in the moment but you have to fight through the urge. Breakups fucking suck especially when you fell so hard. You just have to remind yourself that men's brains are hardwired differently and that to him, falling in love means that something in his dna told him to run. Instead of cutting I recommend the stages of breakup grief: drinking (safely), working out (to get that revenge body of course) and rebounding. Hang in there sis. ❤️
@Birdxbite123 I'm going through something similar with my ex girlfriend, she was great in the beginning, bubbly personality and everything, but the deeper we fell for each other, the more insecure we both got. Neither of us handled it as best as we could, she became emotionally unavailable and distant because she didn't wanna get hurt again and I started to come on too strong. I didn't give her enough space and I didn't let her do her thing because I thought she was talking to other guys. Come to find out she had the same insecurities about me (thinking I was flirting and cheating on her) but she handled it the opposite of how I did
So theres a guy I was talking to. Who now lives a few states away. We had a good four or five months very casually dating. I flew out to see him in January (his idea) and I thought this ment things were more seriousl. He asked me about a week after I already went to see him to come back because I am unemployed, but I said no because I had to figure some stuff out at home (money and employment). Since then hes been really distant. We talked on Valentines Day and then distanced ourselves until recently. He messaged me but only with small talk and gifs. He seems to be very emotionally unavailable. When I was drinking I blocked him on social media. It made me feel immature and embarrassed. Not things are just awkward. Part of me just wants to get over him and forget about it but I cant seem to stop think about it. How do I get over him, or message him in a non-crazy way addressing the situation?
@Birdxbite123
The best way to get over him is closure. Tell him why you blocked him and you're sorry that you feel immature and anything else you want to tell him. Then tell him that you just want to move on and go separate ways. Just be honest it's the best way to get it out of your system afterwards just delete him from everything it makes it easier to not look back and think about him.
@Birdxbite123 unless you told him the reasons and told him you would see about coming back later, he probably thought you rejected him and it hurt his ego. But... that doesn't give him an excuse to stonewall you
me and my ex boyfriend was in a three year relationship. he broke up with me because i said something hurtful to him. i said sorry. it was wrong of me. he was mad and he said no matter how many times you say sorry, it's not going back. im doing no contact. done no contact for a week but its been a week and a half since break up. i want him back. i know that he loves and cares for me. but his friends are saying he shouldnt be with me. will he come back?
@Jinxler
hi, I've felt this feeling, where everything u see brings back a memory of them and it stops u right in ur tracks, ur not alone friend.