Breakup after 3 years

My boyfriend and i's relationship has been rockt for around a year. But heres the jist

I have a ton of shit wrong with me so i am constantly in pain or sick, i also have severe anxiet. Especially with calling. I literally get anxiety attacks from phome calls and stuff.

My boyfriend started constantly aksing me to call every day, and i did sometimes but not a lot because it would leave me drained for days. Then my dog died, and he still did this and it felt like i was never able to grieve, he would also guilt me and stuff..same thing when my grandpa died a few weeks later

Anyway we finally broke up, because i dont mnow if i can handle a relationship right now with how ive been. But the the thing is he still wants to be friends and call and stuff, but whenever i see his name on my phone or a text alert or when i try to call him i get terrible anxiety attacks and almost get to the point of throwing up and i dont mnow what to do. I also keep thinkimg maybe i want to be with him again but i dont know if thats just my brain thinking if i get back with him the anxiety will go away...iaway...i dont know what to do, i dont know what i want or if i even still have the same feelings for him anymore. I keep getting depressive episodes now where i feel like i wjll never amount to anything etc, its ruining my life i cant even exist without feeling so empty and terrible.