Breakup and restoring my faith (in humanity) ?
Hey,
Logged here yesterday after quite a while and wanted to write about this subject and find out your opinions, which may actually help me understand the situation better or, as i wrote in the title "restore my faith in humanity".
Broke up with my gf after almost 2 years of relationship and another 2 years before that, as friends, so a total of like 4 years since i knew her. Sure, you might say " Yeah dude, get over, find a better one, etc", but that's not the point.
The problem is not just we broke up, but I was unable to understand anything at all or at least draw a conclusion about this. All she said in the end was something like "my priorities have changed" and that was it. No matter what i asked, the answer was the same, without any kind of details about how she reached that conclusion. It goes without saying that she really was very mature, caring and all that, so it's not like she was faking it. However, at some point she started to change, despite me having the same supporting and caring attitude. I could get into more detail, but, once again, that's just not the point. I only wrote that to give you a bried idea about what happened.
I browsed the forums in the last 2 days and read quite a lot of threads before posting here. If i were to describe "Stages after a Break-up" like in the thread with the same name from this category, instead of the order "1. Shock 2. Denial 3. Isolation 4. Anger 5. Bargaining 6. Depression 7. Acceptance", to me it was something like: 1. Shock 2. Shock - what ? 3. Shock - whaaaaat ? 4. Bargaining 5. More bargaining 6.No idea what to do or think about it ( I am still at this point ) 7. Acceptance and understanding the situation ( this is the destination I want to reach )
So, how exactly can you get over this knowing you were honest and caring, but this still happened to you ? Sure, you might say" don't worry, she wasn't the right person or she just played you, fool !". Ok, I can agree with that for the sake of the argument, but the question persists: How can you get over it and keep a positive attitude about the life itself after such an event occurs, knowing that despite you did your best, it still went wrong ?
I have found similar situations, but nobody from the people that posted their problems actually wrote how they got over it or IF they got over it. If you have time and/or any clue about what I just wrote and how to get over it, would be great to hear your opinion.
Also, just wanted to point out that I'm not thinking about harming myself or anything close to it, so you can speak freely and uncensored, without having to worry if you use a language that may be a little bit harsh.
Thanks in advance for your answers !
When unexplainable things happen to good people, I believe it's just a sign that something better for you is out there.
Some situation like that happened to mebut not as deep into the relationship as you and your significant other. The guy and I talked for a while, around a month and suddenly he just stopped. I wasn't really sure how to feel, I knew I had no choice to move on and so I accepted it. (With a bit of inquisition and wonder)
Now, I met another really wonderful guy and I am glad that the so-called "bad" situation occurred with the other guy and me.
I'm not sure if this is exactly what you are looking for but I hope it provided you a bit hope and a positive outlook for the future.
@BobbyRo hey, I'm sad you're going through this, and that it's a shock. A breakup after being close to someone for that long is so hard. I know when I ended a relationship of similar length ? even though I expected the end and knew exactly why it was over ? it felt like a divorce, like my best friend died, and ideas like 'moveon' or 'findsomeone new' were exhausting and repulsive to think about.
So how do people get over this? I've noticed somethingshelped friends and myself:
- Time
- Good (or new!) friends (who keep you busy and let you vent without judgement)
- Strong self-esteem,self-care and self-love
- Time
- Hobbies oradventures, like traveling (good for restoring faith in humanity)
- Exercise or other self-improvement
- Time
- Meaningful work, e.g. a project or causeyou're passionate about or extremelyinterested in.
- Distractions, like movies, games, events, etc. ? staying busy
? and, of course, time. You may not feel like you're making progress for awhile,but you probably are. It's hard to say how long it'll take for you to feel OK again, or achieve what's normal for youconsistently. For some people it's within amonth or two, for others six,for me and some friends it's been closer to a year to know we've really recovered. For some it's easier and faster if they've been through a big breakup before, but for others that makes little difference.
Even if, understandably, you find it hard to move on, know that during this time you can still have meaningful experiences and continue to be a great person ? and doing so may ease the pain and help you find saving graces in others that restore you.
Best wishes, and feel free to message me any time you'd like to vent or if you want to talk about this further.
Thanks both of you for answers and support :)
@ParoxysmsJulie - I understand what you're saying, but you thought that AFTER you met your current bf. The problem is how to think, feel and have a positive attitude even before i meet someone else.
@OliviaButler - You're right and it's obvious, by the way you think and write, you've really been into situations like this and you know what you're talking about. I knew about what you proposed me to do and, luckly, I even done some of them and I know doing such things help both my body ( increasing serotonin and endorphins ) and also my mind, by focusing on something else, instead of asking myself the same question again and again.
What you wrote is both helpfull and funny, so thanks again for writing it into a such weird, yet adequate way. I will deffinitely get in touch with you as I still have some questions that are still unanswered and the combination between your experience and woman intuition might actually give me some answers.