Breakup blues...

Separated 2 years when I met my Ex-gf on Match last July, we clicked right away. We talked everyday while she was on vacation in Mexico with her family. We enjoyed each others company and were both over the moon that we found eachother. We eventually started dating exclusively, feelings were beginning to develop pretty quick which was ok with me. It was working. Auguest goes by and feelings were growing as we got to know eachother. We went on a trip together in September, was AMAZING. I would goto her house and she would come to mine, we'd cook for eachother. I'd sleep over her place and she'd sleep over mine as her work was pretty close to where I live. We evntually had an open door policy key exchange. Everything is great, I was beginning to feel like I found someone that could possibly turn into a long term relationship and I was happy. I love everything about her, physically, emotionally. At this point we're heavy into intimacy and we love it. Romance, passionate kisses. Great luvins, we both felt the passion during lovemaking. Her kids and family accepted me, I went to many a birtday party. I'm a bit of an introvert, her family and friends like to have a good time. I'm all good for that. I'm not from this area so I don't have many friends even after 20 years so I was thankful I had her. Now I'm not perfect, I made a couple blunders etc lol. But nothing to break up over. I had a bad week and I kind of pulled back and that upset her alittle, I apologized and snapped out it. So at this point we're just doing our thing.

End of October comes and one day she had her son home and wanted to hang out with him. I'm like "Cool, do you want me to come over" "She said, do you want to" "I'm like sure". She wanted to go cycling but I was wating for a work call and would be working for abit when I got to her house. She wasn't happy. So I get there and she comes home, I'm getting ready to start dinner. And she says "We need to talk" With my key in her hand. I'm like "Oh wtf"....She was dumping me....She said I was clingy,critical and that she has more fun with her friends. I'm shocked. Not sure what to do so I getmy stuff and leave. When I should've stayed and talked.

So basically over the next 2 weeks she cuts me off, no texting,phone, not even FB. I'm like WTF....I wouldn't goto here house as I wan't sure if that was smart. So "Hell Holidays" begin. I get through November/December, I'm all knotted up. My friends and family are trying to help. I was starting to come out of it 2017. I said screw it let me see what's happening on Match. 1st fucking page I see her on it!!! I immediately crumble into a fetal position (kidding of course). I'm like WTF!!! She thinks she can replace me!!!. So I go into damage control, last ditch effort. Send flowers and get creative. Make a video on my phone put it on a thumb drive and sent it with the flowers. This is Jan 6th I think. I had a day off and I said screw it. I'm going over.

So next day I go over when I know she's home. No kids there so it's all go. She wasn't suprised I was there either. So we start to talk. I ask her why she cut me off all contact. She said she was vulnerable and didn't want me convincing her to stay as her ex husband did that. And she apologized for doing that to me. At this point I bring up everything she said when she dumped me and basically countered all her points. Just trying to get her to see things my way. That I want the same things as her, I want to be aprt of her life and that I just need to acclimate myself to her lifestyle etc. No big deak I say. I went over the dumb things I may have done. We treated eachother well etc. I asked her if she still loved me and she says "yes I do"...And here's the kicker. She said she was having some doubts, that we were going to fast maybe. And the real kicker "I don't think you're the right one for me" I'm like OMFG. She said her family likes me but the think the same thing. I'm wondering if they said stuff to her. So I'm like wow, she could've just talked to me about what she was feeling and we could've figured it out. She couldn't even answer me when I asker her "What makes you think I'm not right for you?" She couldn't answer basically. I aske her "Who's the right one for you then?" Couldn't answer. What's funny, I could still make her laugh and smile during this. At this point 2 hours in we stopped and I left. She gave me a hug and said "I'm sorry". I asked her to unblock me maybe. I also asked her about the Match.com and why she was on it. She said she had to go on and cancel the subscription. And that she wasn't talking to anyone or going on any dates. I just took her word for it.

Fast forward to now, still blocked. No contact. I still love this woman dearly to this day. No one is like her. I have no idea why she won't talk to me now. Is she just avoiding me and dosen't give a shit about me? Damn this hurts. Does she still love me and that's why she won't talk to me? Still afraid I'll try and convince her? I just don't understand.

My cousin who's a therapist linked me that video of Madeas relationship clip "If somebody wants to walk out of your life...Let them go"...

That's where I'm at, I can't let her go that easily. She meant that much to me. Even only at 3 months, I really felt she was my dream girl and my chance at true joy and happiness.

Help....