Break up hurts

I’ve been together with my ex for 3 years. Over the past few months or more I put games in front of her ,she tried talking to me but I would ignore her , she would get angry an want to fight an then hit me but then I let it get the to me an I hit her back sigh. I’ve spent $ on those games when she told me it could of been used on our piece of land which is on her name btw that I bought. Now she told me those games are going to break us up but I didn’t take her on an now she’s gone. She codnt take no more an now she’s really hurt but she still loves me an I ofc love her. It’s very hard to sleep by myself an do anything as she was always there for me. Sometimes I feel to end my life an I’ll never forgive myself for what I did. After all I love her an I let stupid games get the best of me. She said I can call her an we can hang out or something but idk what that mean.