Breakups QnA
Breakups. We all face them, and they can be challenging, no matter how small scale or big scale they are, the devastation caused by a breakup is often underestimated by people and sometimes this makes moving on alot harder than it already is. As a Listener, I've seen many members and guests with misconceptions about breakups and felt particularly alone in their struggles. so i thought that posting this thread would provide a no judgement zone and a platforom for asking questions like " are so-and-so behaviours/feelings/emotional outlets normal?" and stuff like that. I've been through my fair share of breakups, so this is a topic that is very close to my heart. All questions are welcome :) I hope you guys jump in on this idea so as a community e can all feel a little less alone and encouraged to recover. 
Im going through a breakup right now, and its horrible. Its been almost two months and every day the person passes through my mind, and the worst part is that they dont want anything to do with me, which hurts me so much, even though I can understand why they dont want me anymore, I wouldnt want me either, and plus, he warned me so many times yet i still did the things he didnt want me to do because they were harmful to me, in the end he just gave up on me. I feel glad that i got rid of him because he ran off when i needed him most, but yet i cant stop thinking about him and wishing he was still mine. Is this normal? How can I try to change these thoughts?
Hey @planti yes this is completely normal. But he ran off when he needed you the most.. You were in a toxic relationship, and that isn't worth it. If you stayed in the relationship it would be only done you harm anyway. You're worth so much more than this., as hard as that may be for you to believe at the moment.
Changing these thoughts won't be easy (let me just be honest) but I want you to leave this experience as a stronger person.. Starting with distracting yourself and setting short term goals for you to achieve. This boosts your self confidence by a great deal and shows your subconsiouc how capable you are.
You're in the clear. If he was not there when you needed him the most then in the long run it would have ended worse than it already has. Keep your chin up because you are more important than that. It takes 2 to make a relationship work.
You both have no idea how incredible youve made me feel! Thank you so much.
@planti , I'm so happy that @carefulSouth4292 and I have been able to help you out :) stay strong.
I find that the older I get the easier if is to move on, but there are some connections that are harder to let go than others. I dated someone for about a year and a half but then he started becoming abusive and said aweful things to me. I had to let this one go. I couldn't take the added stress. Haven't talked to him for 3 months.
You've done the right thing, @Koifish :) if you ever need somebody to talk to, I'm right here.
Thanks for setting up this forum. I have gone through a full month of heartache and could not decide what to do. I had two and half amazing years with my boyfriend in Beijing and now back to US for a year. We were chatted every day until last month. He suddenly decided he only wants to be best friend with me. If life circles us back in the future, then we can be together again, but for right now, he just wants to be best friend. It killed me inside and there is nothing I can do. I can't believe someone who still says he loves me could put me through this kind of heartache. Should I be best friend with him or should I breakup with him completely just for my sanity sake?
Maybe you should tell him how devastated you actually are and then take a break from talking to each other for a while... Chances are that he's devastated to some extent as well..
Thanks, Romantic. It's really hard for me to do that right now. I think about him every day and every night. Where should I start?
Also, would you elaborate on your statement about he is devastated too. If it is hard on him, why does he do that to both me and himself?
@neatwest2110 he probably knew that he couldn't sustain the relationship while being away from you.. He probably still loved you when you guys broke up. Either way that shouldn't matter because he's left you that tiny bit of hope that he'll come back. It sounds like you're clinging on to that hope, am I right?
For me, I don't think I want a relationship with my ex anymore Him finishing with me has given me a chance to really look at him from a different angle. The conclusion I've reached is that much as I didn't want it to end, there are areas where being apart actually causes me less stress than trying to please a depending partner Of course, he's been back in touch, feeling a bit lost and lonely, no doubt The thing is, I would still like to visit him, as I love where he lives, and his friends, etc. And of course, I still love him. I wouldn't be going with expectatios of a wonderful reunion and happily ever after.. as I've said, I think I prefer to be on my own now, as he wasn't an easy man at times. What do you guys think?
Yes, you are right, Romantic. I just can't let go of the great time together. I know that's probably not the right things to do, but I really can't help it. I went to gym today, and it helped me a little bit.
After being in relationship with him for 3 years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his website: http:drossolution.webs.com you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or any other problem.
My ex cheated on me in our bed. Later he told me he never loved me. And we lived together and had a joint account. While I was working on making his life better and happier, he was cheating on me. How do I get over my feelings of anger and resentment? I feel so used and disgusted with myself for not seeing his real colors on time.
You've every reason to feel proud of yourself, rather than disgusted.
How could you, who wholeheartedly gave everything you could, in good faith, be expected to even suspect that the guy could be so manipulative?
"It takes one to know one' is the saying, and that's why you were blindsided, because you're nothing like him, and that's all good. Who honestly would want to even guess at how it feels to use people?
It's his loss, whether he realises it m
Oh sorry, I was off on a rant then, and got all confused. Lol
Anyway, you get my drift. You'll come back from this, wiser, stronger, and more beautiful. Stuff him, hes an idiot.
Thank you so much for your insight and advice. I know that I am letting him have power over me by harboring all this anger, but it is so difficult to accept I gave so much of myself to someone who never deserved it and who used me for his own selfish reasons.
I have been broken up with a guy for about 2 months. This guy is my soul mate, the love of my life and i believe he knows that as well. He decided to break up due to needing some time to balance his life out and figure out his future. We are both in high school and i understand this. I get that being this age with school work and sports and friends it can be very hard to make time especially with his crazy mother. However, now he is mentally better and i am a wreck. I am trying to enjoy each day and make the most out of it, but i always end up thinking about him and how much i missed over the summer and how much better my life would be if he were in it. We are still good friends, and both agreed we wanted each other in our lives. But he doesn't know what way he wants me in his life whether its a best friend type thing or more. I realize he needs more time off especially because school is starting. I would love to be able to rip out all of these emotions and be best friends, but every time i try to do that my mind reminds he is the one. Hes the one person i want to be with. I know hes missing me as well but im struggling with waiting and not knowing how we will turn out. Being friends with him and seeing him everyday at school is killing me when i so badly want to be a part of his life. I miss the holding hands secretly in school and walking each to our classes. I really miss him being a part of my everyday life and i feel like i have this constant weight on me that is pulling me down and i don't know what to do