Breakup w kids involved

Hello,

I'm new here and I’m thankful this even exits. this is long due to details so please bear with me!!

So to start, I have been going thru a lot these past few years, as I’m sure most of the world has. I had decided to not pursue love anymore because I always ended up giving more of myself than the other person was willing to give.

So I had become homeless at the beginning of the year and swore to just better myself and my son. Any man who asked for my number either got a fake one or I lied about having a boyfriend. I just didn’t want to be hurt anymore.

Anyway this park I went to frequently I met a man because my son got hurt and he brought him to me. And later on in his words he didn’t have any intentions of pursuing me until after he saw me. So he asked for my number because to me it seemed he genuinely cared about my son’s injury. We kept in touch and he invited my son and I to hang out as friends.

I will say it was very refreshing to be around someone that I could completely be myself.

Fast forward almost a month and he revealed he would like to be more than friends and at this point it was mutual. We had sex and decided we didn’t want to see anyone else. It got serious fast. I told him I do develop feelings after sex and I expect more out of the relationship. He reassured me that he very much wanted this and was happy to see where things went.

He was always telling me I was beautiful and amazing and he was amazing with my son and his daughter. He had a place so we naturally spent most of our time there as we don’t have our own.

(Side note: we’re both Cannabis users which was another thing we bonded over)

1st Flag: We both play a mobile game and he had set up a date for us to play. Then last minute he canceled because he said he got too high. I was a lil upset but figured I’d still see him because I had been given some food that I didn’t eat but didn’t want to waste. I asked if he wanted it he said yes. I told him I’d be there in a minute. I get there and he answers the door like he was surprised to see me, or that I had just showed up unannounced. He stood in the doorway and did not invite me in and asked what I was doing there. Confused I said that he just said he wanted the food I offered and he was like oh yea.. something about his male roommate upset about a bag of cheese and then was like.. I’m gonna get back to chilling.. and I said ok have a good night and left.

Am I wrong for feeling like that was off? Any other time I would have been able to come in but he just decided I guess he’d rather be alone instead of hang out and smoke together? I have a medical card so I was able to go and get him some so he didn’t have to buy off the streets.

2nd Flag: Gas is expensive! Just as everything else is, today. He didn’t pay his car payment and they shut his car off and he needed a ride to work. I do not currently have a job but I do UberEats to maintain my necessities (I.e phone, car, food, gas).

He currently works 3 cities away from where I live. It’s roughly 30 mins to his apartment and maybe an extra 10 to his job.

he already let me know he wouldn’t be able to pay me any money but he would pay me in affection and appreciation. I agreed to and the first day I go to pick him up at the time we both agreed on and he took forever to reply, he apparently called his boss and said he’d be in at 10 am instead of 8 as scheduled. He however did not tell me that and I was waiting outside for him. So I leave to take my son to school and he texts me asking to try it again. Me not wanting to be the reason he couldn’t get to work agreed to do it and did so for about a week. He did communicate after that and even told his coworkers his gf was bringing him to work. But after he knew I was upset.

3rd Flag: We hardly had alone time for just us without our kids so when we had time together to me it was special because it was just us. And that’s how he made me feel like nobody else existed but us. I had been on my period so sex wasn’t an option until I was off. So I told him on a Thursday that by Sunday we could have sex since I would be done. He told me he couldn’t wait and praised my body and how he missed it. So that same day I bring him lunch at work because he didn’t take anything to eat. I also gave him head in the car because I wanted him to know I wanted to keep him satisfied. We needed to use a towel after. So Saturday comes and when I get there there’s a towel sitting in the seat of the couch like someone had been sitting on it. He quickly grabbed it and was like I don’t know what could be on that and saying it had to have been his roommates because he knows his schedule so he could have gotten some before we got there. I made a joke about it because of our experience and he seemed to be trying to convince me it was his roommate and not his.

Sunday comes and he’s been telling me that we’re still on until Sunday morning he forgot he had made plans with his boys and had to see them through. Because he’s flaked in the past.

I wouldn’t be without my son until 6:30 that evening so I said it was ok and asked how long he think he’d be and he gave me 10 pm. I didn’t want it to be that late because I did have to take my son to school in the morning which meant driving another 35-40 minutes the other direction. But I agreed because he said after all that we were still good.

9:30 rolls around and he tells me he’s headed home but he’s too tired to do anything and that he’s gonna pass out. I told him I knew what could cure a headache and that was the whole point of getting a babysitter but to have a good night and feel better.

he replied with an awh babe you can still come for cuddles…

Am I wrong for not wanting to go over for cuddles because he bailed on me again and this time it was sex? Sex that he constantly praised me for and said he wouldn’t want anyone else.

To me it felt like he might have been with someone or why else would he not want to have sex after hanging out with his friends all day.

I confronted him about all this and told him how I was feeling. He didn’t admit he did anything wrong because he doesn’t feel like he did. I know I may have over analyzed the situations but I don’t think I’m wrong for feeling like he was off. After I asked if he was seeing someone else he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and that he thought this is what he wanted but it may not be anymore and he was back pedaling be he didn’t know what else to do. Then he wanted to be just friends and I told him I can’t do that since we’ve had sex and he said then I can just be someone you talk to if you need it.

I asked if I wasn’t worth fighting for and he said trust was already out the window so what was the point? There’s so much more to this but my son has behavioral issues and he was investing time into him and my son was getting attached and now I have to tell him we will never see him again. I feel like it’s my fault and I feel like an idiot. Please anyone. How can I stop feeling this pain.