Broken from surgery and absent spouse

For the past four weeks life has hurt so very much. Mentally, physically and emotionally I've felt chewed up, spat out, run over and scrapped to the curb.

On march 1st around 7:15am I went into surgery for a few shoulder repairs. I knew it would be a difficult recovery but was not prepared for the reality I was hit with.

a friend picked me up at 5:45 that morning and stayed at the hospital throughout my surgery. She was there when I regained consciousness and took me home. She went back to town to get ice for my cold therapy machine and instructed my son how to use it. The next day she went over three hours out of her way to get a prescription for me. The pain medication I was first given did not help at all. I will forever be grateful for her help especially considering she lives so far away. Even though she works full time, she found time to help me.

My son has gone above and beyond what he should have to in taking care of me. I feel so guilty that he has to worry about me. Every single day he starts by asking what I need. He does not go to bed until after I do. When he comes in the room during one of the intense pain episodes I get and asks how he can help me, I just cry harder when I see the helplessness on his face. Seeing how this affects him is so much more painful then what I am feeling. He wasn't the one who said he'd take care of me post-op and yet he has stepped up to do so. I would have never had these surgeries if I had known he would be my sole caregiver. It is just wrong.

And we are running out of things since neither of us can drive. With my right arm totally immobilized changing gears would be tricky. I would literally give my right arm for a cup of coffee! It is rather a useless appendage these days. And I have to stay like this for another 3+ weeks before my surgeon will allow physical therapy, which again, cant drive. I hate being so utterly helpless and am now feeling hopeless too.

I knew recovery was going to be one of the hardest things in my life, but I had no idea it would be so lonely and demoralizing. I never imagined it could break my spirit. I should have known I’d be abandoned and been prepared to not have the support needed for recovery.

I am thankful for what my son is able and willing to do for me, though it’s not everything I need, it is everything he has to give. And that is priceless.

My husband has either been drunk and avoiding me or gone. currently he hasbeen in another state since last week. 4 days before my surgery he promised to take care of me. Then he spent the weekend drinking and ghosted me. this is not a marriage, i wish i could keep him from trashing the rest of my recovery.