Buddhist BF From Hell
My bf was awesome the first 6 mos. Then Covid hit, and I realized he was an alcoholic. He would tell me when he was drunk that he was seeingmultiple women, and then deny it the next day while sober. He would drunk text women and get on sex websites and prank the women. He befriended a stripper and helped her move, when I had to pay movers to help me mo w on with him. He had given me a promise ring, and I came home to him one day arguing with a girl's husband and over the phone. I found out he had been drunk texting her and that's when I found the receipt for the moving truck on his phone. But he says he just sat in the truck while her friend helped her move. Whatever. Then amazingly he quit drinking during the last six mos of our relationship and found Buddhism. But things didn't get better for our relationship. He went hard core into Buddhism to cope with the addiction. He told me he wanted me to move back in with him, but he would be practicing a lot and wouldn't have a lot of time for me. I was still dealing with the insecurity of how he had treated me. He would preach to me that jealousy was one of the six sins of Buddhism. During the second six mos he had told me he couldn't do monogamy because he was polyamorous at heart. The first six mos he portrayed himself as a wonderful bf and said monogamy was the only way to go. Then second six mos he is into polyamory, lol, but there is no one else. Now he came out on social media a Asexual. He started talking about how he used to lust after women when he was drinking but not anymore. Then I posted an innocent comment on a different post about shoes of his. And he told me I was being territorial on his page. I could only go to his house Thursday through Sunday and he wouldn't t ex t during the day a lot and at night because he was meditating . I told him I wanted some space for the weekend, and he broke up with me. A week later he tells me he had reached out to a longtime friend of his , a female, and she was so much more understanding of him and his quirks and issues. He also has anxiety. I understand he needed alcohols and Buddhism to cope, but I was getting anxiety and ptsd from the way he had treated me. Now a week ago, after three weeks of no contact, he emails me to tell me how much he enjoys Buddhism and he hopes I will join the teachings. I was kind of brisk with him, and he told me he is talking to human beings in a non romantic way so I won't have any trauma from him. Because I was brisk with him and said apparently you were talking to a woman who you said was better than me and you see happier without me. I am a really under standing loving and forgiving person and O have tried to give him the benefit of the doubt over and over again. He really hurts me, drives me crazy and Fuchs with my head. I
I think the worst thing was him just checking in on me like that. I told him I was busy because I had joined Toastmasters and an Improv Comedy Group/Classes and was teaching Reiki classes since we last spoke. He was like good for you, sorry I emailed. Then he decided to get condescending with me and told me he would come back in a few years and help me with Buddhism again. I told him I thought it was shitty that he couldn't even be happy for me for fixing things I enjoy doing, and the next morning he emailed that he was glad to hear I was doing great things and that was it.
I had told him I was happy to hear from him and excuse me for being abrupt but he had been shitty to me and told him I didn't need his help on a few years with Buddhism I wasn't lower than him. I would rather he just came back into my life as the loving bf he was in the beginning, but he says he has always had women as friends and with everything that has happened it is hard to trust him so I am letting him be but it Really Hirts because besides all that bs we had been really close and best friends.
Sorry you are going through this pain and I hope things better soon. The only thing out of this is clear that he doesn't seem sorry of what he did and it is bad because it bothers you So If I were you, I would stop telling myself that he has changed because I know Hinduism, which is somewhere similar in few things, you do meditation to connect with your mind, to listen your mind better but looks like he isn't listening you, you are in so much pain and he seems not bothered, I hope he cope with his weakness but you have to remember that what you went through isn't your fault, you have to forgive yourself, we all come across people who take advantage of our emotion and play with them, so don't feel ashamed or alone, if you don't distant yourself from him completely, it may hurt you, and you may blame yourself more for whatever happened to you, Ask yourself is it your love for him or fear of loosing him that is hurting you more, if it's fear then you are worried for wrong reasons, I hope you move on because being with a guy who doesn't priorities you or understands you at the least is very hurtful and full of craziness. I hope you take more help like this, even though it feels wrong but share with your trusting friends or Family, it's good you shared here, hope you show courage and keep talking about it until you pass this phase, if you need help, I'm here :)
I am sorry for the abuse that he put you up with. I think that now is a great opportunity for you to ask yourself hard questions. Why did you accept to be treated with such little regards for you, your needs, your dreams? What could you do better next time when chosing a partner? Perhaps leaving when he displays inconsistent behavior. By the way, you know that addicts always replace addiction with other addictions at first, right? Alcoholics, for instance people doing AA, are told to be single for at least one year of sobriety in order to be considered cured. That is because they often are in relationships with enablers, often good-spirited loving generous people, who tolerate unacceptable behavior. From what I read today, you accepted his terms (I'm seeing other women, I'm assexual) without telling him: "Hey, that's not what I want." I know that him dumping you for trivial reasons might feel awful right now - and even more insulting because you put up with his flaws. However, it is a blessing in disguise. This guy seems highly toxic and seems to shift extremely rapidly between extremes. He would certainly not be a good husband. His new relationship won't last either, I can guarantee that 99%. Because this guy doesn't have the capacity to love. Being in love means being genuinely interested in someone else's life and taking responsabilities. This guy cannot love you or anyone right now: he's too deep into his problems. I hope that you don't fall into the error of believing that this break up was your fault or that you could have done something better. In my opinion: run away from him as far as possible. However, if I could make a guess, I think that he may try to rekindle with you when he wants to torment another woman and convince her that accepting polyamory is cool. Please block him! Take care. I know its hard. I am 100% with you.
Wow you answered in a very nice way. I agree 100%, Bless You Take Care 😊👍
Thanks. It is heartfelt because I have also put up with unacceptabke behavior and yet I stayed and hope. It's hard. I know what it's like. But if we love ourselves, we have the opportunity to make sure that this never happens again.