Conflicting thoughts
As my divorce moves forward I find myself going form one end to the other with my feelings. Most of the time I am filled with guilt because I am the reason for our divorce. And when I feel that way i/ feeds my self-loathing witch ends up being one big cycle of pain. She has started to move forward with a new guy,which one hand I am happy for he= because I want to see her happy,but on the other I am jealous of her happiness and being around her triggers my depression and this go on and on. I discovered the other day that she has been going through my tablet and spying on me,this has made me beautiful upset. Between yhat and yhe fact that she believes that I don't deserve any chance at healing myself or any kind of relationship I feel so trap and alone,like I have no safe space for myself
@wolfman77 Getting through the loss of a marriage is one of the hardest paths to walk. My observation is that your focus seems to be on her right now. What she is thinking or doing has little to do with your future happiness. Moving toward concentrating on your own healing process could be super helpful, and I hope you're able to find that path forward and starting a new, emotionally happier life. Take care, wolf.
@wolfman77,
a divorce can be a rather traumatic experience.
Me and my wife got divorced (no termination date yet determined but we feel divorced). I moved out recently. I made mistakes too, but I don't feel guilty. I did what I did and I cannot change that. She did what she did and cannot change that either.
I have been angry at her as she opened a personal can of worms which caused me to be triggered over and over again. She did not do so on purpose, I forgave her.
What I try to do and what helps me (yet it is rather painful) is to look back at situations and noticing that I now look at them from a different perspective. As I am no longer IN the situation, I merely look at it from a higher level, from a distance. Providing me with (yes, very painful) insights.
Which I take aboard to learn. So I can listen next time. Listen to my heart before ending up being angry and hurting me and my beloved one.
Another thing that helps me is mindfulness.
A very simple yet powerful thing for me is focusing on breathing. Take a slow deep breath. Don't use force, rather relax. Breathe out. Continue, and focus. If a thought pops up, that is OK. Let is pop up, and go back to focusing on breathing. Continue until you are feeling relaxed. Turn this into a daily practice. While taking a walk. While driving. While shopping. You can do this anytime, any place. For me, it is starting to become an automatism, and it helps me a lot to relax and be more present.
By being more present, I don't get sucked back into the past. Or worry about the future. Just being in the now.
Warmth and love to you.
