Confused about the future

@Gail1 Hello, I'm Jan. I'm sorry things are like this for you. If it's any consolation, I can appreciate how you're feeling because my marriage was the same. My ex, although at first, showed affection, looking back, I see now that I gave way, way more. In our marriage, he was basically, as you describe your partner, until he walked out, simply didn't want to be part of a family, and no doubt down to stress - we'd just had our third child and our middle daughter had just been diagnosed with Leukaemia - but partly, I think he acted on what he really wanted, to be single. All the signs before led up to that moment, I mean. I'm not saying this is the case with your partner. Different people, different situation, but the emotions are similar. It's clear you've tried talking to her, but ultimately, if someone in their heart of hearts doesn't want or can't listen, then it really only leaves two choices, stay and accept your relationship will be more of a friendship, or end it and wait until you meet someone who wants the same things. Talk again. Maybe she doesn't fully understand how deeply you feel, how close she could be to losing you. Write her a letter even, which would offer you more time to think about all you want to say. I don't mean give her an ultimatum, she's been clear about where she stands from the sound of it, but I do know from my own experience, staying destroys you bit by bit. I'm being very honest, I wouldn't have left my ex. I loved him, I made a promise to him and I'd have stayed true to that. Again, being very honest, his leaving, in retrospect, was the best thing he ever did. The person I am now is not the same person as I was then. Sometimes, as much as it hurts, as lonely as being single can sometimes feel, it never hurts or feels as alone as being with the wrong person does. This is no ones fault. We fall in love with people who feel right, don't feel right, change, want more, want less, and maybe you both simply want different lives. That doesn't mean an end to the relationship. I'm on very good terms with my ex, at first, only because of our girls. I didn't want them caught in any crossfire or feeling they had to take sides. Now, it's a warmth because I feel that I have a whole new life opening up before me, the chance to find someone who loves me for me, not just going through the motions. You deserve to have a relationship built on love, affection and communication. I realise now, we never communicated. He wouldn't and I quietly accepted it, but having time on my own, finding my feet, it's taught me how important communication is. So try but have a cut off point. Don't sacrifice who you are, what you need, to keep someone else. That's not selfish, it's just knowing what you want and what you're prepared to give and take. I really hope things work out for you, for all three of you. Here if ever you need to talk. Take care