Confused and brokenhearted after breakup

I'm sorry for the very long message, but I'll be so grateful for anyone who bears with me. I have been in an online long distance relationship with a guy from another country for almost two years now. It started on Instagram, we followed each other and after some time, we started texting. We found a common passion, and as it evolved, the connection was very intense and we quickly fell in love. Now that I describe it, it might sound crazy, but it was totally unplanned and spontaneous. There was a lot of telepathy and such coincidences. The relationship was going great, until some months back, we started fighting. It was occasional at first, but it slowly started getting more and more frequent. We were both determined to make it work, so we stayed. But the problems grew and it slowly started to become toxic. We had communication issues, I couldn't work on my insecurities and he couldn't manage. We tried for a long time, then we fell into a cycle of on again off again relationship... I initiated the first breakup, we got back together, but then it became like a habit of breaking up and making up. The break ups would last no longer than a day. We were madly in love. I still love him deeply, and I feel that I gave him so much of my time, love, attention, everything... Last thing we decided to take a break but I started freaking out and stalked him on Instagram, saw he's following and liking pictures of new random girls' accounts and got devastated about it. When I confronted him, he said I don't trust him, I don't deserve to be with him, and blocked me. He eventually unblocked me on whatsapp but kept the block on Instagram and didn't contact me. I feel so lost, confused and devastated. I feel stuck and I don't know what to do. He seemed like the perfect guy for me I made a lot of mistakes throughout the relationship that pushed him away, like being needy, breaking up with him and making up, hoping things would change... He said he tried his best. I trust he did, but a part of me feels like he could've treated me better. I'm so torn. I thought he was the one for me, but I don't know anymore. I'm also scared because I think I might have been the toxic one. He said a lot of hurtful things to me, and so did I. I apologised today for my crazy behaviour the day he blocked me but he hasn't replied yet. How do I move forward? 😥