Confused and hurt

I’ve been with my fiancé on and off for 4 years. It has always been a challenge as we are both very strong with our personalities and don’t give up easily. Culturally, we are similar but neither of us want to back down and do our “gender roles”. This has been a strain because the house and kids gets out on one and the other doesn’t help until it’s too late and it’s already overwhelming for the other person. We have a beautiful family and both of us want the best for everyone. Recently, the arguments have increased which has caused lots of tension and he has decided to move out and call off everything. Arguments would be about chores, my ex that I have kids with and no longer interact with, how much I work, me complaining about work and housework, and power struggles. I have already agreed to tone down the power thing and lessen my complaints but he doesn’t really want to work on things I’ve made a point about that he does. We have tried talking but it always end up with him being defensive and just ending the conversation. Therapy was done already after the fact and it only made him more upset and defensive. We have been spending lots of time together, despite work and the kids and it feels like this are getting better but the moment I open up about feeling overwhelmed, it’s a whole problem and we act cold to each other again. I really love him and I know he loves me. He moved out saying he needs time and space for himself so he does that after he helps me with our children during the day. This is not the first time he has left the house either, I just don’t know how much more I can take because I’m literally holding myself together with pieces of tape so I don’t break down in front of the kids about how sad I am. I wish he would understand that I am not perfect but I am trying hard to take care of everyone and no one takes care of me. I just want my family whole again and to feel loved and appreciated. Maybe I am just asking for too much.