Considering ending my first long term relationship
I’m considering breaking up with my boyfriend of 3+ years. We’ve been together since 2018, and he’s my best friend in a lot of ways but I’m not sure if I have romantic feelings towards him anymore, and even with that I feel like it’s unfair to continue dating him. The problem is, I feel very shitty about the whole situation. Not only is it nearing the holidays (and he already told me he has gifts for me..), one of his parents just got diagnosed with several forms of cancer. This has caused him to become depressed (understandably), as he’s been supporting said parent for months now and it’s all over a difficult situation. But during this, he has stopped taking care of himself, physically, mentally, socially, etc. His hygiene has gone downhill, and he doesn’t socialize offline anymore almost at all. We are currently long distance, so we see eachother 2-3 times a month. It worked last year, but this year he won’t even put in the effort to take care of hygienic things knowing he is going to see me. It overall really hurts. I also feel like his mom sometimes .. I feel very naggy, but I’ve caught “the ick” during all of this and I’ve expressed it nicely several times, and at this point I’m exhausted. Our relationship also feels very immature, and I’ve grown out of the way we talk to one another. Which I’ve also tried to express but I don’t know. Overall I know what I need to do. But this is my first long term relationship, first time dealing with this situation and I just need a shoulder I think. And advice on how to handle this, cause I am also heartbroken. I care about him, I just can’t care for him how he needs me to anymore.
@mymindsout
Sorry you are struggling with this. Sounds like an uneven and one-sided relationship, and those, frankly, are exhausting because you're doing all the work, making all the concessions, accommodating the other person, and the relationship dynamic has changed to mom/kid, from the sound of it.
I hope you can take the time to contemplate what you want, in life, in work, in career, and in any relationship. You might even take the the time develop a relationship with your own self, which will pay dividends over time because you will likely learn more about what you will and won't tolerate in a relationship with another person.
As for the ill parent, it's unfortunate, and he's to be commended for taking care of the parent, but it sounds like all his energy is going there, leaving you with nothing.
