Dated a guy with a chronic illness, dealing with the breakup
Hi all,
I dated a guy with EDS and it was over in 3 months. We initially started off as casual/FWB but I knew I liked him a lot and told him I couldn't do it, to which he replied that this was more than casual and he would like to work towards something with me. We went on dates and spent a lot of time, mostly just him driving to see me and binge watch TV with me since his disorder keeps him from doing too much physical activity. Sometimes he was hot and cold, which I thought was due to this anxiety and depression. Back in March, he got a cold and stomach flu that made him really weak and homebound, so he couldn't continue to drive to see me. I decided to take an Uber to see him and he was acting distant towards me, I gave him a sexual favor, receiving none in return, and it seemed he didn't want me around. Two days later, I confronted him about his distance towards me and he said we shouldn't see each other anymore, that we had different views on the relationship, that things were unfair for him and it was unhealthy to continue seeing each other. This was all during text by the way, he said he was gonna see me in person and discuss it the mature way but since I brought it up, he laid it out vaguely over text. It's been a few weeks and I've been bad about maintaining no contact for that period of time. I thought it was his depression so I told him I could be a friend if he needed it and he would message me a week after saying he was dealing with new health issues ever since he got sick, and that's pretty much it. I've been trying to rationalize why he would give up on us after how much fun we had and just trying to understand him, but I also need to maintain no contact and work to move on. Our mutual friends have told me to just work on myself, and who knows? He might come back in my life. I just don't know. Any input is appreciated. Thanks.
@Greenfire211
I am going to have to agree with your friends. You sound like a very kind and caring invidual, and very accepting of people and their difficulties. It is unfortunate that this happened so suddenly, and in a way that left you wondering what happened. I am glad that you posted your feelings and confusion here, because that in it of itself, is working on yourself.
We can't get into people's minds and figure out why they acted like they did, or even understand their actions and vague words when they do share what they are willing to share. It is hard enough to understand our own feelings and emotions, plus actions at times, let alone the actions of others.
If he asked for space, or no communication, it is best for YOUR wellbeing to do just that. Because not doing so can result in perhaps a hurtful response on his behalf, or no response at all, which that is very damaging for the person waiting for the response. I know it can be very hard to keep our distance from someone that we cared about and would have liked to maintain a friendship with, but writing out your feeling here, using the listeners here as a resource when you are tempted to contact him might be a good means to distract you from your loss.
I am not sure if you engage in outdoor activities and other hobbies, but if so, embrace them. And if you have a person who you can visit or have visit, that is a plantonic support that would be a great hugger, reach out. If not, call someone willing to listen. Otherwise, my bestest electronic embrace is definitely heading your way.
((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))
Penny
