Delusional Love

I was in a relationship with a guy that abruptly ended with him cheating. He cowardly blocked me off everything after I found out so I never got my closure. He was never one to gracefully walk away from the relationship; he'd rather go out with a bang instead. (We've broken up at least three times, always instigated by him, but never to my knowledge of him cheating). He would simply just blame me for our relationship failing, throw some insults at me that usually were weaknesses I confided in him about and then block me. He’s even changed his number before coming back months later. It’s so hard to understand how someone who once “loved” you completely tears you down with purposeful harmful intent. He got joy out of hurting me. I know a lot of you may be wondering why I kept taking him back. I couldn’t stop loving him. I believed every time he came back promising to do better, he would. In the end, I was foolish. It was so perfect when we first met. He was charming, affectionate, considerate, empathetic, and funny. He showered me with gifts and when I needed him, he was right there. Always. I thought he was my soul mate an Angel finally sent me after praying for someone to love me like how I love them. But one day everything changed. He just didn’t want me anymore. Everything he once loved about me he suddenly hated. “I’m just over you now.” It was a thrill for him to watch me succumb to sadness when he had the upper hand. He called me delusional for me remembering how he used to love me. “You’re not important to me.” My heart was shattered. But it shattered more when I allowed myself to keep being treated this way every time I let him come back. He was a great liar and extremely convincing. He could get anyone on his side and he loved having an audience in our relationship woes. Contradictory he hated liars and hated people in his business. The manipulation was outstanding. “You’re only hurting yourself. I’m not doing anything to you.” I believed something was wrong with me. I believed I was the problem. So I kept fighting for love that was never real to begin with. “I know I put you through a lot. I’m really trying. I know how I act isn’t normal.” A week later, “I ignore you almost every day. Take the hint when a guy is done with you.” He would laugh knowing I had fallen in love and he could easily control my emotions. It was a game for him and I kept letting him win. “You’re too dumb to not realize when someone doesn’t care about you. It’s easy. I know what you like and don’t like.” Looking back, I can see all of the red flags clear as day. I was just too vulnerable to see them. (I was in an emotionally/physically abusive relationship before him). He’s content knowing he will never have a successful relationship. He’s said a lot of hurtful things to me each time he ended the relationship and made sure he had control over the argument. But one day I finally let him have it and I was so proud I stood up for myself, even when it hurt him. I went too long of the emotional abuse. The finale was when he was suddenly super affectionate with me one weekend. The next week he was with another woman. I found out when my numerous avoided calls and texts were met with the woman answering his phone. I was the “crazy ex who couldn’t get over him.” He hinted it was my fault I found out about her and blocked me off everything right after. I was left shocked. But I will never let him come back into my life again. If you have a similar experience or would like to share what methods you took to heal from a strenuous relationship please don’t mind sharing here on this post.