Depression, break up, love
My partner of 4years left me. He suffers from depression. We had a small argument that 'triggered' his depression and he left me and moved out. That was 5 weeks ago but we kept in contact because he 'needs' me. For the first 2 weeks he treated me horribly while i was pretty much begging him back. Then i had enough and tried to cut contact thats when he decided he couldnt loose me and wanted a fresh start and to try again. We discussed all our issues in the relationship openly and honestly for the first time and he really opened up about his depression for the first time even agreeing to seek professional help if that meant he wouldnt loose me. So we tried to start again fresh - we dated for a couple of weeks but i was still confused on whether i even wanted to try as he'd hurt me so bad leaving and looking back on the relationship i could see how much his depression had been bringing me down for years the constant trying to make him happy, focus on him and not myself, i felt drained. After the couple of weeks dating i just couldn't do it any more i felt i had come a long way in the healing process so i again tried to cut contact. I explained why i was doing it so i could get my own mind right and focus on me and what i want and i cant support him for a while. He didn't have much to say about that just a few txts of 'do you hate me? Are you mad at me? What have i done? What do i do? What do i do with my life? I love you. I miss you' then he decided to come pick up all his things from the house and it hurt! It hurt so bad cause it feels final but this is what i wanted so i can move forward. But i love him so much i truely do, but i dont feel he's going to seek professional help which means things between us will never change. We've discussed how we can make the relationship work and part of me wants to so bad but part of me wants to move on and let go. And now we're doing this no contact as thats what I've asked for it hurts cause now he's actually respecting my decision sort of theres still the odd texts from him and i still reply. I honestly dont know what i want. I want him to want me. I love him. But he wasn't good for my emotional well being but theres that chance we could make it work. Im so confused. Im so hurt. I dont know what to do. I find it hard to think of anything but him. I want to reach out to him so bad. I want him to reach out to me. Im so confused. I feel like I'm a drug addict having withdrawals. Am i doing the right thing cutting contact from him? I feel so bad because of his mental state I'm the only 1 he opens up to and talks to
@plumTiger5814 you will have to just move on
@kitkat34567 thank you. Yes today is a new day and I am stronger and moving forward. 1 step at a time😊
Hi plumtiger
It sounds like you've invested a lot into this relationship, with little support in return. Sometimes we give so much of ourselves to our S.O (significant other) that we almost forget about our own wellbeing. You understand your ex's problems and understandably want to help. Maybe feel guilty for wanting to improve your own life? Maybe some space will give you the time you need to figure out what makes you happy?
@amiableSouth7231 thank you. Yes I'm putting myself and my needs first for once, it is hard but I'm making myself my number 1 priority, healing myself and trying to move forward without him distracting my journey of self discovery and healing😊
Hi,
I really feel your pain through your writing. I think the process of writing it down helped you quite a bit... Anyways, from what I've read, I think you're doing the right thing. Concentrate on you for a while.
Give it time.
Right now you feel pain, give it time.
You feel like a withdrawing junkie. Give yourself some time, cut yourself a little slack, and things will get better. Try something new, go somewhere nice, so something you've not done with him... New experiences are positive and will show you that life is still meaningful.
I would recommend resisting the urge to contact him, especially at night when we're most alone. If you choose to do so, why not do so during the day, keeping the tone as light as possible.
You're not responsible for him and his problems. Who knows, maybe by removing yourself, he will be forced to find help...? It's not on you to help anyone but yourself, so please don't beat yourself up too much. You sound like a great person with a good heart... Turn that goodness on you for a while.
Good luck going forward
@helpfulIdea9612 wow what you wrote is so spot on! I had to screenshot it so I can keep re-reading it in my times of weakness. Thank you😊 yes definitely like a drug addict going through withdrawals but I know i will get through this and be stronger just need to focus on myself without guilt. I am definitely hoping the time apart without contact makes him go get help - but that will come down to him, I can no longer support him and his struggle for now i need to heal myself first. Thank you for your kind beautiful words😊
