Divorce question
Me and my wife have been going through ups and downs the last few months. She threatened to divorce me in April. We worked through it at the time as neither wanted a divorce. It always felt like she was not giving me a voice in the relationship. I never felt like we ever got back to where we were before threats of divorce , I always felt the other shoe was about to drop. I couldn't escape the feeling.
I ended up seeing a girl on the side In July(I guess I was tired of trying to fight for a relationship) and cheated on my wife of 4 years. Unfortunately my wife is a narcissist and I am a pleaser so we created our own shitty dynamic. My wife has said she is going to change a ton of things about her self so she can be with me. I want to be with her yet I am heavily burdened with guilt for cheating on her for the last 2 months.
My wife has started going to counseling and she stopped drinking every night. Do I just end the relationship because of my actions or do I stop cheating and focus on my wife and put the past behind me? I don't want to break her heart even more by telling her I cheated on her. I know this all sounds bad and you haven't lived in my shoes so constructive criticism is appreciated. Thank you in advance.
@crimsonMelon1996
This is really common situation. So don't feel like your not normal. I would not agree with your choice to cheat, but then I am also not the one that was in your exact situation.
I would think that it is very likely that your cheating is what has turned the girl around some, you just don't know how much she is turned or for how long. I read that you did not tell her and therefore you believe she does not know. There is a good chance that she feels it... but has no proof. As you became interested in the other girl, your wife likely can notice the different vibe in you. This type of change will usually fall into the pulling away category. That usually causes the other to want to get closer and resulted in all the improvements your talking about. That means that she does have deep feelings for you. I did think about doing this myself as a way to flip the dynamic in my relationship, I am first trying to do and try everything else. You can search reddit for red pill marriage for some other ideas on how to make self improvments that can lead to our wifes treating us better. It is alot of really hard work.
Any choice you make or don't make will have some problems, from the position that you tell about. The situation you tell sounds a little familiar to me, I think the situation can result in either of the two cheating and or both. It is really hard work to make a relationship working over time.
I almost always suggest a book, No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover. It will likely cover some of the reasons why you and the wife have been going to ups and downs that even got to the point of using divorce as a threat to win confrontations. You can/will have the same problem later with the new girl if not looking into the root of the issues.
What you wanted is for your wife to treat you good, and what your wife wanted is the same. Problem is when neither know how to go about that. And it is not taught any place, we are just supposed to figure it out. Reading that book, might help you in your decision.
Good Luck
@metalwater
Thank you for your help!