Don't know what to do
Okay so there is a lot going on in my life right now and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm married and have 4 beautiful children. I've been married for 3 years and have been with my husband for 5 years. I thought that by now things would have gotten better and I thought that maybe he would have changed or gotten help. He has been very emotionally abusive since we've been together. He was physical at one point butt it only happened a couple times and he hasn't done it in 3 years. Because of all of the hell that he has put me through over the years I feel like I am not in love with him anymore and I just want to move on with my life and not be unhappy anymore. I want I want to be happy again and want to focus on my children. I feel like my soul has been ripped out of me and I I'm not myself anymore and haven't been for a very long time. The smallest things upset him and make him jealous and paranoid even though I've never given him any reason to not trust me. We've been together 4 half a decade now and he doesn't trust me. He says that deep down he trusts me but I don't believe him. Anytime we have gotten into a huge argument he would either threaten to take my kids away to spite me or you would threaten to kill himself. He did that just this past week. We got into an argument and he said he wanted a divorce and then not too long after he wanted to kill himself because he said that divorce was not an option for him and that if he can't have me he doesn't want to live. I'm lost
First off big big hugs, I have been there, my husband who I'm recently separated from was emotionally abusive to me too, I tried to leave a few times and he too threatened suicide, it's absolutely exhausitng and I feel your pain.
I felt I was stuck too but I reached out to friends, to family and they rallied round, it is hard to do as like you I felt there was no where to go and nothing I could do.
I'm not sure what to say other than you are not alone and if there's anything I can do to help you please don't hesitate to ask.
@Twiggles
I'm so very sorry that you're going through so much pain. Your husband is in need of help and it's unreasonable for him to expect you to be the only one to help him. Think about it- if he had an infection, would he expect you to cure him instead of a doctor or medical professional? I don't know what his circumstances are, but he either doesn't realize that his threats are harmful to you and your mental well-being, or he doesn't care. Whichever case it might be, his destructive behavior will only continue if nothing changes.
If you choose to stand up for yourself, to decide that you refuse to allow him to dictate how you should act and feel, that you refuse to allow him to threaten you with violence against himself, then you can begin to heal the emotional and psychological wounds he has inflicted. I can tell that you still care deeply for your husband and that you don't want to abandon him. But you can't let him hold you hostage. Again, he'll only continue threatening to hurt himself if nothing changes.
You don't have to go through this alone. Is it possible to get other people- friends, relatives, religious leaders- to talk to your husband and help him see that he should seek counseling? What about counseling for yourself? I can only imagine how overwhelmed and frustrated you must feel. You shouldn't have to carry all of these burdens by yourself. It isn't weak to admit that this is more than you know how to deal with at once. I hope you find the support and the resolve to break this downward spiral and begin to build up towards your own peace of mind.
@Twiggles
Oh man, it sounds like you are dealing with quite a lot. Have you thought about doing some couples counseling? Having someone there to support you both might be super helpful as you both work on figuring out how to move forward. It sounds like you have been through a lot and really want to get yourself back to a good place, and you deserve that. I am not sure where you stand in the marriage but it sounds like you are not wholeheartedly there. I think counseling would help you figure out how to get what you need. Sending you positive thoughts.