Emotionally destroyed need help

I was 4 years in relationship, I loved him more then myself! He loved me too, we were going to have get married, have family and all other things that people that love each other go through together. We had a lot of financial issues that’s why we were postponing everything… and the day comes… I left.

i don’t know on the end whose fault was it. I used to cry like crazy, sometimes I just get my mind blocked and I don’t know what I am doing… I start feeling so much pain, and I just want to run out of my own skin.

after I left him I start living with a man I used to be 6 years ago, somehow God connected us again. I don’t love him even close how much I loved my ex, but do love him. Unfortunately, he is not good to me. He choose not to be by my side every time I needed him, and I just don’t know how to let him go. I know I have to, this situation is literally making me more depressed then when I left my ex. A lot of bad things happened in very short time and I feel like o can’t breathe. I have arrhythmia and I sleep long. I just want to be at home, alone, or just to sleep, I want him to leave but when I think of it I get so afraid “what if he really goes” .

i am very much aware of my emotional issues, and I am afraid that this can cause sickness… but I don’t know how to deal with it. I really don’t know.