Fear of being alone
I broke up with my long time bf approx 6 mo ago. We were very happy together then we moved to another state for warmer weather and a new job he had been offer, everything went wrong there for me…first of all o have back issues which make it difficult to get around sometimes but that was starting to slightly improve, I felt isolated because I knew no one and was unfamiliar with the city we moved to & he works I don’t.
About 3 mo after we moved there I fell on concrete and broke a vertebrae in my back & he didn’t believe I was in as much pain as I was… end up in ER 2 weeks later(I couldn’t take it anymore) and found out about the they called fracture, well every thing went down hill between us because I couldn’t go out and sit at a beach bar of ho for long rides in the car. I literally think I had some sort of nervous breakdown I was crying all the time. He started staying out till late at night and I decided to leave. I didn’t want us to end up hating each other and I regret that I wish we could’ve talked but at that point we weren’t even sleeping in the same bedroom and I just didn’t want us to hate each other so I moved back to the state we had previously lived where my oldest son lives.
my biggest fear is that I’m gonna be alone forever because I don’t walk right because of what I did to my back. I use a walker i’m still in Physical Therapy and drs here say I did quite a bit of damage when I fell… I feel alone I feel isolated because it’s hard for me to get out and I just don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. I want to find someone that I love and that loves me and understand me that is my biggest fear is that I will never find this man especially because it’s hard for me to get out.
@sallymander36, I can feel your pain! I understand how hard it is to be in a situation that is causing so much disorientation. It's not that you can't take the pain, but rather that you don't want to impose it on others even when they don't trust how much that is impacting you.
I would be feeling the same way because you DO feel alone, and that fear increases for the inability to get out and be your usual self, able to connect, to interact, to share and receive others' sharings too.
Relationships can be the cause of our pains, and at the same time, they can be our way out of our own troubles. That's the first contradiction I see you're facing, isn't it?
If you look around yourself do you see the same paths you've seen before? Those paths that you've already covered in order to get out of the situation you are in? Have you looked really well for other opportunities to make those encounters you so much want to have?
I'm not able to see what you see, but I usually ask myself how am I prepared to make the most of what life has on hold for me. If you see yourself out of the present situation in the future, that's because you really can make it happen. How, when, and what is totally unknown just because it's not there. But you can definitely choose to see yourself realizing your desire and prepare yourself for that. You may find out you were overestimating the value of certain things because you were stuck in paradigms that belonged to the past, and the future is even brighter than that.
Try to look for jeans that you would wear when you were 15. Get it? You'd sell anything those years to get that pair, and now they just don't even come easy in your imagination.
I wish you all the best but from now on. I don't wish you the best for what you were, because it's just no longer available. What's available is the now. Cheers !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you very much , I never really looked at it like that & you are completely right and very helpful!!
Its really sad to hear about your pain and suffering. Sometimes its very hard to make other realise, how much pain you are in. The life these days is so cruel, fast and selfish that we can't expect anything from anyone.
Being alone is difficult but being alone, damaged, mentally and physically on support makes life really really hard but hats off to you that you still are managing to cope with the situation.
I dont know much about this network but you may find some really positive people here, just be hopeful and try to find happiness within your ownself