I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. Consider my thoughts though for a moment. She needs time to think and have space. It sounds like there is a lot of hurt and pain for you both from mistakes in the past. As long as you're both swimming in it, neither of you can take a breath and get some perspective. It sounds like cutting you off so abruptly is her way of getting that space and perspective she needs, especially if she's threatening a restraining order. That is a serious message to you. Let things cool down. Give her the space she needs because that shows you respect her feelings and that you're listening to her. Take the time you need to step back from your powerful emotions, and focus on what you need, what you want in life. If it's meant to be, it will be. If it's not, you will survive this and learn from it.
@LovelyRose77 your right I caught myself sending her messages through those apps and she responded this morning basically saying the same thing saying that this a break up and not a break and that she would make it more difficult for me by changing her number she told me to take care and that she hopes I get some type of help and that if I truly loved her that I would let go. In that moment I wrote back that I do love her and that I pray one day God softens her heart for me again and I told her if we never cross paths again that she will forever have an imprint in my heart and soul. I deleted all the apps. I felt so empty inside today I took my kids from a different relationship to the museum all I kept thinking about was her and seeing her image popping up in my mind
@LovelyRose77 honestly if it wasnt for me taking my kids out and now writing how I feel I know I would be going crazy right now. Im going to try going to a Coda anonymous class tonight I hope that works. Ive also reached out to some counselors