Feeling miserable

I started the relationship with my ex boyfriend knowing that he was a player. He said that he is serious in our relationship and introduced me to his families and friends. I was insecure throughout my relationship with him as his ex girlfriends/flings looks way better than me and are good in bed, while I was virgin and had no experience. After one month of our relationship, I had some symptoms so I went doctor to realised that I contracted herpes from him. He was in shock as well because he had no symptoms at all. He said that he felt sad and worried that we couldn’t have proper sex life and it will affect our future generations. I felt overwhelmed and lost, knowing that there’s no cure for herpes. I told my friends about contracting herpes because I couldn’t find the moral support from him and he told me not to tell them about such a sensitive topic. I initiate break up with him because I know that this relationship is not healthy for me. After few weeks, I realised that I was the third party. I want to hate him but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I still love him and miss him. I am having insomnia and nightmare about this, despite half a year have passed. Please give me advice 😭