Finding himself
I just recently broke up with my boyfriend. How we started wasn't really that great. We met unexpectedly, both of us were not really looking for a realtionship but it just ended that way. We match each other like crazy, the chemistry was so good. We talked all day, all night. He would Skype me once he reaches home from work until he has to work again the next day. I really appreciated that because he's a busy doctor in his country, we live in different countries.
Until one day, there's a person who stalked me on one of my socials and I asked him if he knew this person by any chance. He told me it was his ex and he didn't know how she found me. I asked him if they were still talking, he said yes. I was devastated because they were talking and he didn't know how she knew me? That's when he admitted everything. It was a 10-year long relationship with her that he ended abruptly because he fell for another girl. Sadly, it was me.
They already broke up and I already love him so we continued the relationship but the ex still wanted to fix what they had so she kept on messaging us both. I told him to be nice to her because he did what he did. There was a time he wanted to end things because of the people around him saying it was so unfair and what happened between us was quite fast. At first I didn't want it but still agreed to give him time and space but only after a day or 2, he comes back.
I took him back and we were okay, not until I heard him say that he kind of felt unsure again so I asked him if he still talks with her, he said he answered her call once but she didn't talk. I told him that he shouldn't have answered in the first place because he's already with me. He told me that he feels guilty and he couldn't just decline her calls because he was used to it for 10 years. I was hurt and wanted to end it but then the next day he told me he's sure and he doesn't care about anyone else anymore.
I never heard him say that he was uncertain after that but what he has said before already pierced my heart and I couldn't stop overthinking. I broke up with him and he actually didn't want to but I told him that if it's like this maybe we'll both get tired sooner or later. But tbh, he already told his parents and relatives about me, his mom even talked to me.
The next day, I figured out what was wrong with me and asked to talk to him to fix things. But, he said he also thought a lot when we were not talking and he thinks it's best to end things because he think things happened because he didn't let himself heal or discover himself after his 10 year long relationship. I didn't argue and respected his decision. He was crying but he said he really has to do it so he would be better.
I haven't reached out to him ever since, it has been a few days. My birthday's coming soon and I'm hoping he'd reach out. Aside from that, he already booked a flight going here on the 1st of December. I hope he'd still go.
@bestBirch5461
Wow, this definitely sounds like you went through a lot. It's definitely understandably a difficult time but I hope you're doing well in the midst of this. Long-lasting relationships can be extremely difficult to process! Hoping it works out for you either way this goes.
It wasn't as long as his relationship with ex but yes, we definitely went through a lot too. I hope he still takes his flight on the 1st of December.
@bestBirch5461
I’m so sorry your situation is so difficult!
I suppose as much as he loves you he must also feel very conflicted right now. There must be a tremendous amount of guilt that he needs to resolve in order to be with you. It definitely would make things much more difficult that his ex-partner of 10 years wants to fix things (as opposed to just wanting to end things and go their separate ways with a ‘clean break’).
Some time apart is probably best! 10 years with someone is going to create a lot of memories and history. That kind of long term connection won’t fade overnight, even if the ‘love’ has died. It’s probably going to create resistance with moving forward if he’s constantly looking back. You don’t want your relationship with him to be rooted in regrets, guilt, and emotional baggage from his past. Otherwise even if he chooses you, even if he’s with you, without resolving all of his issues you might always feel like the ‘other woman’.
Wishing you the best with everything! I hope it all works out for you!
CatsInTheCradle
I know, he has always felt guilty that's why he was responding to her at first just to let her know that he didn't just dump her like a rubbish (that was her term). I felt for her because I tried putting myself in her shoes. I know I could never replace those 10 years, that's why I felt insecure.
A day came when my boyfriend answered her call while I was there and admitted that he couldn't see a future with her but he could see a future with me. It was quite a long call and I thought everything will be okay but of course she still couldn't accept it. She would call him names and curse at him.
The good thing about him being with me was he became very honest and expressive. He told me that no one knows him like I do, not even his ex of 10 years and his parents. I take that positively. His parents even noticed the good changes in him. I hope he comes back.
I will not try to convince him by calling him everyday or texting him. I will let him have his time and space.
Thank you!