Finding it impossible to let go, feel so lost

It is always hard when relationships don't work the way we had hoped/planned for them to go. The hardest thing to admit is that maybe the other person wasn't right for us after all. I sympathize with you about how hard it is to move on and let go. It was incredibly difficult for me when I was a month away from marrying the girl I had spent the last 9 years with. Ultimately it came down to acceptance that what I had planned wasn't going to happen. It can be a very difficult path to follow, but with time it wiil get better.

@gunnernat

I've been in that boat and I know it's not easy. It's like a constant grieving process grieving the loss of the relationship. I mean 6 years is a long time. Your brain is so use to him. It's a big change. It sucks when we put soo much into something /someone for them to just walk away.

Im not sure if this is how you feel but I feel like grieving the loss of a relationship is worse than grieving the loss of someone to death because in your mind you know that person is still out there and you have a constant hope that someday somehow they will come back.

Who knows maybe they will. But I'd really suggest trying to distract yourself. For 6 years they've filled a big space in your life and now there must feel like a big empty hole. We need to fill that space.. That time... With other things.

Don't forget you're not alone. You've many supports on 7cups. Please feel free to message me anytime. I can relate.. I'm still grieving the loss of an ex so I understand ❤❤❤❤❤

@gunnernat Sometimes I wonder if people really do move on as quickly and easily as sitcoms and movies portray. Because after picking up the pieces of a shattered heart and doing literally everything to try and put it back together only to go on feeling a dull, broken sadness seems so much more traumatic than fiction suggests. And it's so illogical yet perfectly rational at the same time to want to find someone else to fill the hole that used to be filled by an ex. But there's so much more to who you are than a past relationship. I don't know you, but I bet you're talented, funny, have great taste in music, or maybe you're incredibly well read or a movie aficionado or an artist. The relationship didn't work but you found love once not by luck or by accident but by being the wonderful person you've always been. Yes, your ex was a large part of your life for 6 years but you have so many other passions to explore, goals to achieve, and dreams to create. And it stands to reason that you weren't looking for love the last time. While you were living your life, it more than likely just happened, and maybe in doing the things you love you'll happen upon love again. If time is standing still, it's because life is just waiting for you to live. So move- go out into the world and see it, taste it, feel it- keep moving forward even if your heart is stuck on what's behind you because before you know it, happiness will be right in front of you.

@gunnernat

Feeling lost at this moment is completely okay and natural, and if anything it's the most important to remember and remind yourself that you are not pathetic, or alone in this kind of situation, and that this feeling will not last forever - unless you let it. After spending so much time with someone, it can feel like we're anchorless and not ourselves anymore, and it's easy to get lost in nostalgia. It sounds like you already realise this, but remember that being in love or in a relationship with someone's past self or potential self is not the same as being with their actual self. People change, and unfortuantely sometimes, we're not brought along for the ride.

While feeling lost without a relationship, I find it's sometimes best to use the alone time to find and work on yourself, for yourself. You are not your relationship. After some time of 'wallowing' which is totally fine - listen to the sad songs, eat the chocolate! - it may be very helpful to engage in some sort of physical activity, start a new sport, or take up a new hobby, perfect one you already have, host potluck dinners with friends, etc. Challenge yourself to something new and grow from all this. Don't feel pressured to 'move on' in the sense that you have to get back into the dating pool - yes, arguably the whole point of existence is to find someone else and be with them, but there's no rush, and a romantic partner isn't your sole aim or destiny in life. The last six years will always be a big part of you, and it won't go away; the only thing one can do though is to not let it become a regret, a roadblock, or a ditch to get stuck in - instead it can become something you gained strength from, learned from, and grew from.

@gunnernat

You're not pathetic, you're just grieving over the loss of a relationship that you have so cherished that's all. Healing takes time, and it's hard when it sounds like you're still hoping and waiting for him to come around. I can only imagine how hard it must have been to feel like you can't keep him happy, and you shouldn't feel this way - although it's easier said than done for sure. I wonder, have you considered talking to him about how you feel? Perhaps through this, you might gain some closure. Obviously, it is up to you to decide as you know yourself and your life best :)