Going through a breakup
I have bpd and my ex has Bi polsr
the relationship was truly full of turmoil but it had a lot of really good parts ya know? And the good parts felt like a movie
and I fell into her. I pushed passed my flaws and needs to give her exactly what she wanted and she would break up with me then get back together with me then break uo again 2 hours later. she was neglectful snd cold and mean but all I can think about is the love we shared, how it started, what I’ll miss and what I did wrong. I’m scared and lost. I haven’t slept in days
Runs deeper than a breakup
its turning to self hatred and loathing
And they always say as a partner of someone with bi polar u have to accept ur new normal of taking care of that person and not getting much in return …but it wasn’t just that. I took care of her and she did nothing . She was A bystander . She would make me cry and then laugh
she was cold
she treated me as temporary no natter how good she told me I was or how hard she told me I loved .
and I sit here and complain but it’s only because after all of this I simply can’t seem understand why I stayed. Why she was the one to leave me in the dust. I would’ve never left her. I used to pray god would remove her or make it all hurt less because it did hurt. But being without her hurts worse. Waking up alone hurts worse and so does falling asleep alone. I see pictures and videos that remind me of her. I see the first time in my life I fell in love with someone and all of their imperfections and just accepted them for their beautiful self. I see a body I know with my eyes closed and love snd emotion I feel ten fold when we love. I just feel lost snd this is very long but I’m scared because I feel guilt not hurt and it was originally hurt
and I wanna be mad at her and I wanna get over her but I feel like no one will love me the same
no one will love my quirks or the things I wear ir the way my feet fold in and the very specific things she pointed out. It seemed irreplaceable and idk where to go from now
@macksauce715
Hello dearest - I felt this to my core. I feel you and I feel your pain.
What I want to tell you though is that I know it hurts now and it will continue to hurt for a while but slowly but surely you will regain yourself again - things often end for better things to fall into place. Point is where is she now when you need her the most? She knows you are hurting right? We cannot get too dependent on people that will end up leaving us with nothing left - that is self destruction. I want you to use this time to try get yourself back but not to the 'old you' but to a 'better you' - the best version you have ever been of yourself. I want you to use this time to focus on you - I know you - you have always focused on others, helped others, been there for others, right? SO NOW IT IS ABOUT YOU!
Also a relationship where one is constantly breaking up and getting back together is one that is extremely toxic - I want you to know you deserve stability, you deserve a happy relationship. Part of you is afraid that you will not find another to accept all of you, your flaws and your beauty - but know this is untrue - there are nearly 8 billion people in the world, do you know how many 0s that is? 8,000,000,000 and I PROMISE YOU your other half is waiting for you.
Stay positive no matter how hard it gets - know that the sun is shining somewhere in the world, even if we cannot see it.
Sending love ❤️