Habitual Saboteur of relationship
So, I’m going through yet another breakup with, what I think is, a wonderful woman. It’s just the same every time... they end it abruptly and move on while I’m still trying to figure out what happened and what to do. I’m polarizing. They love me or they hate me. There’s something about the way that I become after maybe three months four months in a relationship that’s turning the tables. And I have no idea what it is. This last break up the check really hard because I did think that this is the one that would understand me. Not only that but we live together so now I’m basically homeless. I’m out of ideas and I can’t diagnose myself. I struggle with depression and anxiety ADHD I drink too much and I’m just plain confused. Hopefully this will help
trust me,, the dumper also goes through something too. i'm so sorry that your left homeless but maybe try contacting a relative close by? try to focus on yourself and save up your money little by little for necessities u need. change is hard but it isn't impossible,, it's okay to ask for help or support from your loved ones too.
I suppose homeless is a bit of an exaggeration. I live with her yes but I work in the pipeline industry so I’m typically away from home for anywhere from a week to six months at a time. Now I come home once in a while on those long stretches and I get a couple of weeks or a month home between jobs but for the most part I’m working somewhere.  Long distance relationships are tough I understand that, but it didn’t seem like that was the problem. It was the arguing she said. I didn’t think we argued that much! That’s what I need help with. I felt like whenever I had a problem or my feelings got damaged that she would become defensive and would never take ownership of her part in the discriminate. She always said that she had to take the blame. I never tried to blame her. On the contrary, I would tell her that no one is to blame that it’s just a disagreement and I just need her to understand why I was hurt. Now, I’ll make a fool of myself by asking her what I can do to save it. Basically begging her to keep our relationship alive. I know it’s wrong and I know it’s weak. It’s pretty much the same with each relationship I get into. They fall hard and fast, I fall hard and fast, and we are perfect together in the beginning. After maybe three months things start to go downhill. While I was once the best thing that ever happened in your life and I couldn’t stop for claiming it on social media or two friends and family, after three months or so my name and face starts to disappear from media and I don’t see friends and family nearly as often. I’m doing something to go from the best guy in the world who do anything and everything to take care of them and protect them to I don’t know what. 
That posted way before I was done editing. Everything past ‘need help with’ is random