Having trouble getting over a breakup
Went through a breakup a week ago- long story short, my partner was living her in Asia away from her family in the US for me, it was always a point of contention because she wanted us to eventually live in the US near her family and I wanted to stay here near mine- she wanted to see if she could stsy here forever.
Anyway, after 2.5 years, she couldn't. I noticed the affection dying over last few months, and she said she just really missed her family. 2 weeks ago she said she will move back in June 2020, and wanted me to go. I said no - she wanted to stay together till then, I said there is no point. she asked for us to stay together till June this year as we still loved each other - I agreed.
I tried my best to make things as happy as they could be for the remaining 3 months we had, but last Saturday she told me she realised that she doesn't love me anymore. cue lots of tears on both ends, and I moved out that night to stay with family temporarily. she said that she still wants to be friends and still wants to be in each other's lives, but I told her I need a little while of not speaking to/seeing her to make sure that I move on. is that the right choice?
I was doing ok the 1st week - I accepted what had happened and thought there are lessons for both of us.
however I find myself tonight rehashing conversations and fights and continually thinking of things I could have done better, and I cant sleep. I should be able to handle this- I'm 35. I want the overthinking to stop.
@willingglobe1984 i am sorry to hear that i hope maybe you will be able to resolove things soon.
Understandable you suggested needing a little break of not seeing and talking to her. I think the question is does it feel right to you? And how do you feel about staying friends in the long run? The constant thinking you could've done things better is super normal and many people struggle with that with breakups and life in general. And hey, don't think too much about how you should know how to handle all this at 35. Relationships can be hard at any age!
@wishfulrainbow Hi rainbow- it doesn't feel right in that we spent a huge of time together, and I thought about her all the time yesterday-when I was looking at houses yesterday, I saw places and shops and in my head there would be a little voice saying "e would love that spot", and i would imagine her happy face when she saw it.
I have been back once since I left to see my cat and dog (we had 1 dog and 3 cats together, the agreement was that I would take the youngest cat and dog once i set up a pet-friendly place). I went when I knew she was at work so as not to see her.
Being friends? I'm not sure- she wants to, or at least she did when we split. I would love for our cats to see each other (one of her boys and my boy are very attached and sometimes wonder if I should just let her take him to the US next year). It also feels like we spent so much time together, there should be something coming out of this, even a friendship. On the other side though I fear the potential awkwardness, and whether seeing her will make it tougher to move on.
PS thanks for the replies guys!
