Heartbroken
Hello,
I’m going through a very difficult breakup and could use some support.
@lovingCake6546 Hi, I'm sorry you just broke up. Being heartbroken after a breakup is normal, so don't worry. Can you tell me more information about why you guys broke up and some context? That way I can help you, since I cannot without knowing exactly why you are heart broken. But just know that you will recover from this, and you are gonna be fine.
It’s a long weird story, but here’s the general idea-
We met in October 2021. A few dates in we discussed why we specifically could never have a serious long-term relationship, for many reasons, including cultural differences, anticipated career changes, and his unresolved issues from past relationships. But we dated with the understanding that is was exclusive but casual.
Over time, against our intentions, we developed more serious feelings for each other. That created a lot of tension with the restrictions we had. We also had some major relationship issues. Communication was always a problem- I felt like he never communicated enough and I felt disrespected by it, and he felt my expectations for communication were too high. We both have trust issues, especially him. He kept a lot of things secret- not deceptive, but would tell me vaguely about things that he said he couldn’t tell me about. Logistically we just had difficulty finding time to see each other as much as we wanted, because we wanted to be together all the time but living together was not an option.
So there were lots of fights and issues but here’s what basically did it. I came across something that gave me reason to not trust him. I asked him about it, and he got angry and defensive. He took me asking as a sign that I don’t love or trust him and that he was right to never trust me. He was hurt by my asking him, and he said hurtful things to me in response.
I guess we both knew it was temporary and with the feelings we developed it was going to be hard to end things no matter what. It’s just really hard for it to end like this. I do love him, more than I’d ever intended to, and I’m deeply hurt by what happened and by the idea of the relationship being over, and I’m hurt that he’s hurting. And it sucks.
@lovingCake6546
And what was it that you came across? That he got defensive about?
Because if he has been secretive and not very transparent, and breaks up with you when you start asking valid questions; it does all seem to point to something negative on his behalf (maybe an affair - and maybe you were the other woman in his relationship which is why he always insisted on keeping it casual with you, was unable to live with you, etc.).
We met on a dating app. We agreed to be exclusive a long time ago and both deactivated the app. Last summer, after a fight and then making up, I got curious and opened the app (I’d deactivated my account and deleted the app from my phone but it was still possible to access my account if I wanted to) and saw that he had updated a photo. This was a few weeks after our fight. When I asked him about it he admitted to having updated and reactivated his account and said it was because I’d said I was done, and that he’d deactivated it again that same day.
This week we had a fight- not as bad as the prior fight and not one where either of us said we wanted to end things. We worked things out, but I got curious and checked his profile again, which I hadn’t done since last summer. I saw that ‘zodiac sign’ had been added to his profile, which I didn’t remember seeing there before, so I did research and learned that it was only added as a fillable datapoint last fall and that it was ‘hidden’ from profiles unless/until a user specifically opted to show it. My profile, which has been inactive and not updated for over a year, still has it hidden. So that’s what I asked him about, and he swore that he hadn’t used the app in any way since the issue of the summer and was furious that I’d even question him about it.
I had a key to his place and we’ve spent the night together many times- I don’t think it’s possible that he’s in a more serious relationship and I’m the other woman. It’s possible he is back on dating apps talking to other women
Also his secrecy isn’t about things like what he’s doing or not wanting me to look around his apartment, it’s more like saying he can’t tell me about why things ended with his ex or his medical condition.
@lovingCake6546
Its OK! Let it all out. We are here for you ~!
CatsInTheCradle
How a member can post the thread?
Can you tell me step wise
@lovingCake6546 sound like he already has someone. Maybe am wrong but whenever someone get defensive about something they’re trying to hide, that’s a sign!