He broke up with me, now really confused

@reservedScarf4747

My boyfriend and I broke up yestrday. I was stressed about doing uni work and he took it as if i was mad at him. (Why? What part of your message got misunderstood?) This turned into me saying I can just go home (he currently lives in Switzerland and i live in the UK) so i can study as it is hard to study here. I tried to talk to hom and he said he doesnt like talking because he feels like it is an arguement. (Why does the same conversation feel like a talk to you but argument to him? We are raised in different environments and grow up with certain expectations from relationships and behaviour within them. It's important to understand the gaps in belief systems to be able to address them effectively.)

He then broke up with me saying he needs to be alone and doesnt believe he can be in a relationship. He compared me to his ex relationship. Says he trys his hardest but it is never enough. I didnt say he was doong anything wrong or that i was mad at him. (This again indicates the communication gap or simply different communication styles. He's hearing things you haven't expressed and reacting.)He is a great boyfriend but he feels like he is crap because we have some disagreements. (The disagreements are healthy because it shows the issues matter to you both. However it's imperative that disagreements remain firmly about issues and never get personal. If either partner feels attacked or inadequate or blamed, there is hardly a chance for resolving the issue.)

I am flying home on sat as there is no point staying here but he said he still wants to be friends and doesnt want to lose me from his live. (This shows he wants to remain connected to you but is unsure of being able to maintain a healthy balanced happy relationship) We were best friends before we got together. I am findibg that hard to do. He also said he will still move to the uk in a couple of weeks like we had planned and if i want we should meet up. (So here he has expressed his interest and effort in reconnecting hopefully in a space which might be more conducive to better communication. He left the door open for you to make your part of choice of whether you'd like to meet or not.) He says he doesnt want anything now. (It's perhaps a really unhappy situation emotionally for him to feel like he has failed to keep you happy. A lot of guys take it very personally if you're unhappy for whatever reason because they were unable to help you resolve every issue in the world that's making you sad. It's unreasonable but sweet)

This confuses me. Why come to the uk if he is so desprate to be alone. (He just needs space from feeling like a failure in your relationship.)Do i just give him time and space and hope when he comes we can try and sort it out. (Yes, in the meantime you can remain friends and talk about general communication stuff) Work on the issues so we dont upset each other over stupid things. (Upset happens when things become personal. Most adults are able to disagree without emotions when things remain about issues. When the communication style change is new it can help to have a code to let your partner know you're feeling personally attacked. It can be a hug, holding a hand, a specific emoji for long distance, anything that you know your partner won't miss)Take things slow and hope we get bck together (Just hope isn't enough to ensure it doesn't go this way again. Constructively see if you can both work out the communication gaps) or should i just bin him off andforget him, losing my best friend in the process.(No, definitely no. Don't lose a best friend or boyfriend over a misunderstanding)

You should not even care about that. There are a lot of other people around, which you could love as well. For example, go to any bar and restaurant and find someone new to talk with.

[ edited by forum teen star @Imogene for sharing offsite links that were inappropriate ]