Hot and Cold

@Evenstar8

If someone is toxic and does not see it as a problem, I don't believe a change is easily forthcoming. All I could suggest is, while keeping yourself safe, attempt to lead a person, with careful questioning, to see themselves.

I wish I had something more intelligent to say. Some people may just need someone 'safe & predictable' in their lives, while others need assistance you're are unable to give. There is nothing wrong with keeping yourself safe.

@Evenstar8

Hi, having an overabundance of empathy can be draining especially when you are surrounded by people that drain your energy and no one to help you refill it. You will find toxic people everywhere, some are aware of their behavior and are actively trying to better themselves while others are not. Its youre choice about who you want to allow into your circle. Its important to know that you need to take care of yourself and if that means ending relationships with people that are toxic and have no deisre to change, then its just what you might have to do to care for yourself.

@Evenstar8

I've had to cut people off before. Friends, family, boyfriends. And each time it was because of their toxic behavior. I couldn't take it anymore. I'm going to use a Meyers Briggs personality type, INFJ, to explain what happens. I am an INFJ. I'm an introvert who feels strongly internally and can evaluate others very well. My intuition is on point. I also pride myself on my loyalty and being able to give other people helpful advice and help them heal from things. I'm the type of person who goes back and forth, agonized by my desire to help the people I care about and make them happy, when all that they do is treat me badly. The type of person who sees themself as a counselor and wants to help people. I'm deeply empathetic, to the point that other people's emotions become my own, and it makes me want to hurt them even less.

However...

When my trust is eroded and worn away, I suddenly have this moment out of nowhere where I suddenly just stop feeling. I'm exhausted, I can't give anymore. Where there was once love, there is just emptiness. I cut that person from my life. Sometimes I don't even tell them why, they should know why at this point. At this point, I have already tried to tell them why I'm upset several times and they haven't listened. So I just let go. It's like they're dead to me, or some sort of ghost.

It's really scary to feel this aloof, and it makes me feel that something might be wrong with me, especially when the person isn't aware that they're being toxic and thinks that they're being a good partner/friend/family member.

Is this normal or is this something I should be concerned about? Should I let go of someone who is toxic even if they don't realize they are toxic and they refuse to change?

You may be experiencing something like burnout or empathy fatigue, which wikipedia defines as: Emotional detachment brought about by prolonged emotional exposure. Being and empath and not taking the time to practice self-care can be extremely draining. Have you ever researched ways to self-care for empaths? I think it's a normal feeling and at times very hard to avoid for empaths especially. We can just learn to pace ourselves and protect ourselves from over-giving. If people are being toxic, it's fair to try to talk to them about it, even more than once, especially if they are a close friend or family member or in any case where you feel the bond may be worth it. It could be helpful to just set up boundaries within yourself so you'd know when the talks were really doing no good, and your empath battery was about to be drained. At that time, I think it's perfectly fine to walk away!

@Evenstar8

I can relate to you so much. I have been like this too. Giving and giving even if they treat me badly and then after a really long time, if my needs are not being met, I kind of start resenting the person. And then my behaviour changes so much and slowly I go aloof. It's difficult to comprehend how you can love someone so much and then after a point there's nothing.

While I wouldn't say that something is wrong with us, I do believe that it is very unhealthy. I have learned that overgiving leads to resentment everytime and sometimes, as in your case, to indifference. I think relationships are more about learning to set boundaries. When we set boundaries from the start, then it's easier to prevent burnouts. And I don't know if cutting people off is right or wrong. If they do not realize that they are toxic, then they probably won't. However, straight-forward communication is important. But, like you said if you have brought it up over and over again and they have never listened, then you have a right to remove yourself from the relationship. You don't have to tolerate it endlessly. Maybe letting them know why you have to leave would be a good idea?