How do I break up with them? [Long/Vent]
i care about my datemate very much; they're a good person who's doing their best. both of us have depression and their's is very bad - it comes from a bad homelife where their trapped in the middle of nowhere with no car, no high school diploma, no job, and fighting parents.
They are a good person. but theyre starting to hurt me. theyve told our friends behind my back that im "basically their entire life" which makes me,uncomfortable. theyre super clingy - i have to tell them exactly where im going and for how long if im doing somethinf that makes me unable to talk to them. they make me feel guilty for going to activities around town or for just taking time to myself. and theyre moving way too fast. we've only been dating a year but they already want to get engaged and theyre talking about having children and moving to a new COUNTRY together, completely dismissing my own plans. its too much! i hate it! i feel like theyre using me as a way to leave home and as someone to emotionally support them without supporting me equally.
i want to,break up but im,scared they will hurt themself, maybe even kill themself. i know im not responsible for their actions but id still feel like it was my fault if they did somethinf aftet we broke up. what should i do? how can i break up with them?
@sckwiid This sounds like a horrible situation. Back when I was 18-21 I had a voltile relationship with my ex and when I'd finally had enough he started to threaten to kill himself. He would go down to his kitchen and cut himself with a knife so I know how worried and torn you're feeling. In the end I knew I couldn't stay with him just for fear of him hurting himself. I told him that I wouldn't stand for his threats and that if he carried on I would speak to his parents. If you are able, maybe you should have a conversation with him, tell him how you're feeling and (in the most gentlest way) tell him you need to be alone to work on your own mental health. Avoid placing the blame on him as it could affect his self image but maybe suggest that you can still be there for him as a friend? That's if you're comfortable with that of course. It really doesnt seem like you mirror his feelings of being in a serious relationship and you have your own health to think of and so it's best for you that you leave it anyway.
One thing is certain, you can't allow yourself to be emotionally held hostage anymore! Sorry I can't give you solid advice, I'm just going off my own experiences.