How to deal with a divorce
Three days ago my husband asked me for a divorce. Things have been rough for a long time. The first time he mentioned divorce was six months ago. I have been working hard to be more affectionate and spend more quality time. I also finally saw the need for antidepressants, which was another one of his issues.
During this time, he spent more time away from home with his younger single friends. I didn't feel like he was trying to work on strengthening on our relationship.
Ultimately, he told me that he doesn't want commitment or a family. Based on our conversations, I didn't see these coming. He's already moved out.
Now, I'm alone in the house we agreed to fix together. I can't afford the mortgage, but want to stay. I feel like my life is falling apart.
I need some help and advice about how to get through this horrible time.
@undefined818
Hi. I wish I could give you a hug and make you feel like everything's going to be ok. My mom divorced my dad and was also left with a mortgage she couldn't afford in a house she put her life savings into. The anxiety and stress of your marriage, financial stability, and future hopes and dreams all being taken away from you must be so very difficult. I've seen my mom, someone I once thought was invincible, crumple from what she went through. I think it's very admirable that you shared your story and pain here because it takes strength to realize you need help. I hope that even though all I can offer you are some kind words of consolation I might somehow be able to ease that horrible pain you're feeling.
Surround yourself with the people who love you and want to support you, the people who will reach down and lift you up out of the misery happening to you. If you're feeling lonely and don't have anyone to talk to, come here and find a listener or just post an update about what's going on with you. If you feel like this is somehow your fault or that you should have done things differently, remember that you made the best decisions you could with everything you knew at the time. Maybe your husband was too far away for you to reach him. Maybe he needed professional help with his depression. It was his war with his own demons and you were just caught in the battle.
It doesn't seem like it right now, but there are better things ahead, waiting for you on the other side of this darkness. Sometime later, who knows what you'll see or who you'll meet? Hold on to the hope that you'll find love again with someone you were meant to be with all along.
@ShadesBluer Thank you for your kind words. I do know I need help. I've called/emailed six counselors and only one has gotten back to me. Sadly, she didn't have any appointments for three weeks and told me she doesn't take my insurance. I am trying to get help, but right now, this seems to be what I've got. I'm glad I've you at least this.
You can and will get through this. I know it doesnt seem like it now but Day by day it will gradually become easier.
How are you feeling after hearing this news? The practicalities seem impossible now but they do gradually peace together. Surround yourself with support and self love too.
Trust that there is a plan and itll all start to fall together too. You can do this :)
@OceanCounselling honestly, I don't know how I feel. For the most part, I am confused and overwhelmed. I feel like I am just going through the motions of day to day life. I'm really worried about returning to work Monday.
I've tried to find a counselor near me, but am having trouble getting in touch with anyone. I am going to call my primary care doctor and see if she can help me find someone.
@undefined818
its common to feel quite numb at first, youre still in shock and going through so many emotions, shock, upset , disbelief, anger perhaps, worry, extreme anxiety so all of those feelings become quite tangled so we dont know how we feel - itll become clearer :)
Talking to your GP is a great idea. Hopefully theyll have some recommendations for you but please keep reaching out on 7Cups. We are here to help you through this, youre not alone!
Lisa
