How to heal from a very toxic relationship

Hi everyone,

I'm new here and in great turmoil. A week ago, I found my boyfriend of a year and a half in bed with another woman and complete lost myself. I started screaming at the woman to get out and actually tried to slap my boyfriend (I still cannot believe I resorted to this very low point). He literally threw me out of his apartment (onto the ground) and locked the door behind me. Obviously the relationship is over and I'm so broken hearted about this...but more so over my reaction to what I saw. I am not a violent person and this was completely out of character for me. I've been reading a lot of online threads and most people are calling me an abuser and saying I should turn myself in to the police. I don't know what to do.

A little back ground information, we had an "open relationship" with boundaries he always pushed. The night before I caught him with the other woman, we had yet another discussion about how I was uncomfortable with him actually dating other women. We had agreed to the occasional hook up, but nothing more. He acknowledged this and we had a lovely dinner. The next day, via text, he told me he was having dinner with the woman he ended up cheating on me with. I became very upset because he was now dating this woman (this was their 5th date, but he lead me to believe she was a one night stand to this point). I knew it wasn't just "dinner" and ended up going to his place to find them in bed and the situation I laid out above unfolded. This was not the first time he pulled the wool over my eyes and the relationship became more and more me justifying away his bad behavior and constantly trying to convince myself I as okay being used and discarded over and over again. I tried to break up with him numerous times over all of this and he always charmed me back into his life, telling me I was his primary and he wanted to be with me. All the other women were around simply because he enjoys "variety" and "novelty". Stupid, stupid me for going back time and time again. There was also sexual mis-conduct? with him enjoying to inflict pain and leave marks. But I allowed this and cannot blame him for these actions. I do realize now that this was a form of abuse and mischongony.

any advice is appreciate