How to unlove
We've been 13 years together. He cheated on me 2017 our first born was turning 3 thAt time. Then forgave him After knowing. Got back together aFter 2monthsz. Then this year i gaVe birth to our 2nd. I thought all is well then this October, found out he was still cheating with thb same girl right after we got back together. The girl was the one who messaged. She was.mad at him because she was tired of being in a no label relationship. That's why on impulse messaged me about them. I asked questions and she told me everything. EVERYTHING. they are no longer talking. No communication. She's now trying to move on. While here i am, staying on the same roof with him. For our kids. He was sorry, crying and remorseful. He begged be to give him last chance to fix himself and our relationship. He doesn't love her he told me which was also confirmed by the girl when we talked. As per thb girl he never said i love you and even called out my name while they were having sex. She also told me that he didn't love her and it was me and the kids he love. Now i ended our relationship, but decided to stay for the sake of our kids. In trying to rejectn all his sweetness, care and whatever. I still love him. Everytime i seenhim i want to give him another million chance. But every time I'm alone memories flashes back and ended up asking myself WHAT ABOUT ME? I'M setting aside my emotions for our kids
I think maybe you have given and done all you could do. From personal experience I think that for the sake of the kids you should separate. If you stay together they will always be in the middle. They need to learn how to handle different situation for when they grow up, so they can have healthy relationships. So breaking up is also a good lesson, to accept when we get things wrong and correct them.
For him to be a good father he would have had to respect the mother of his children. You cannot separate one thing from another, to be a good father he needs to be a good person, because he is also a role model and his behaviour is not something you would like your children to copy or admire even.
I'm also going through a very rough time with an ugly breakup. Just today someone told me that if you think about it some one who loves you would never do that to you. So if he doesn't respect you, respect yourself take care of yourself for the sake of your kids. They need at least one good parent.
@Panda8218
Thank you so much for the advjse. I hope i am strong enough to do that. I just can't help myself to think what will happen to him if I asked him to go. He was crying like a little boy when he was begging me to give him last chance 😭 it hurts. I don't know why i am still thinking him first instead of myself. It's hard 😭
@Enna16enna
Because you are a good person and you have empathy which is one other thing he doesnt have.
@Panda8218 i hope I can get rid of my emotions fot him 💔
@Enna16enna My ex did the same thing after I found out about his affair. The fact is that he didn't regret it while he was doing it. It was a decision, and he chose to do it more than once. Besides, if he can lie about cheating on you, then he can lie about its details, so can that strange woman who seems to like your attention. They are just two desperately insecure people with a character problem. You already have children, you don't need to take of a full grown man and his playmate. They are just the kind of people that have serious issues that have nothing to do with you and that nobody can change but themselves, when they actually, genuinely, realise it for themselves.
@singularitypls Try to seem him as just that. A man baby.
@singularitypls you ladies are so strong. Why can't I do it. It's really hard. We're living in the same roof still, but we are no longer the same. I am no longer the happy lady i was before. I hope i will soon have the courage to follow your advices. I appreciate you guys 😭😭
@Enna16enna
Your wound is still fresh so it's natural to be emotional. You are a strong woman you're just hurting and it's perfectly normal to feel pain right now. Let it hurt and eventually you'll pick yourself up. Keep telling yourself to never let someone have power over your emotions.
@Enna16enna Exactly as said by the previous reply, your wound is still fresh. And although I don't believe that time heals all wounds, it does help in getting used to the pain. I'm not here to encourage you to end things with your partner, nor am I here to encourage you not to. At the end of the day, only you can determine what is best for you and your family. There are also ways to rebuild a broken relationship, and I've heard many stories of couples who recovered from betrayal and came back even stronger, but this involves an abundance of dedication, hard work, tough love, trust, and counselling. And still this does not mean you'll get back the relationship you used to have. That relationship has already died. He punctured it. If you decide on this path then, you'll have to rebuild a new one. Still, you'll also have to risk that he wouldn't do it again. No option is gonna be easy, unfortunately, but the good thing is that you will always have an option. And you should also remember that this doesn't have to be your last love.
But as for now, your only concern should be your well-being. Focus on how you choose to react to this. Focus on finding something that you can use as a tool to express your pain. Like, a new hobby, or reconnecting with old friends. Anything. Try to take yourself out of the equation for a while so you can view the relationship from a more objective perspective, and then make your decision.
@singularitypls thank you so mucn 😭 i appreciate all your words. I want to let go but reality is i can't yet and it's hard. maybe i am a coward. But still trying to distance myself really hard from him. I am. Hoping that one day i come to my sense an choose myself over my feelings towards him.
Hi again. Just checking in to see how you are doing. I send you a hug