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hi,im new here and glad that discovered there is a group/community like this.

a lot is happening right now and i dont know where to start so I could heal. I'm married for 9 years and have 1 kid. I just recently ended an affair with my officemate who is married and have 1 kid as well. The affair lasted for 1 year, it just ended 2 weeks ago. Aside from the affair as a mistake, I'm also 4 months pregnant with my officemate's child.

Initially the guy and I planned to be together and leave our spouses. We tried to live together we are happy. He is very caring and loving but when we have fight its like we are different persons. We cant diffuse the situation which makes it so stressful to fix and deal with. The last straw when i found out that he lied to me. He did not delete his reddit account which he promised last year that he deleted it. He will delete it because I caught him looking for a hookup using reddit during on of our fights. This makes me so mad and the worst part when I was crying and asking him if he wants to explain himself he said that I will not believe him so he would rather not explain. I was so devastated that I start packing and leave the place. After that I havent heard anything from him, he did not go after me. During work he i can see that is normal or already moved on since he is in his usual self. While im trying hard to cope day by day. I keep questioning myself what did he do to move on easily while im still like this hurt, sad and lost.