I can't stop feeling empathy for my toxic ex
Hello,
I was with my ex husband for approx 10 years. He was highly manipulative & emotionally abusive. I left him almost 1 year ago. My official divorce date is around the corner, in about a month's time.
Since the breakup I've asked my ex to stop communication with me, my family & friends. A boundary that he has repeatedly ignored and tested.
Recently I found out that he was creeping my friends social media pages, for what I can only assume was to look for information on my life.
This information sent me into a tailspin. I can't stop thinking about my ex, and if he's okay, if he needs help, if he's happy, etc. I want him to find his happiness and to get professional help, but this extreme empathy towards him after all of the pain and torture is very unsettling.
I'm in a new, stable relationship with a man who is very understanding & supportive. He's helped me work through issues with me ex in the past. But I don't feel like it's healthy to keep talking to him about my ex. I don't want to damage my current relationship with thoughts of my ex. I don't know how to stop feeling sorry for my ex and wanting to constantly fix his life for him...after a year shouldn't this have stopped?
Any advice would be appreciated.
@Gigi23 You'd been with your ex-husband for so long. It is understandable that you still have some feelings for him. However, you should not allow this to affect your current relationship. You know why you broke up with him, what he did to you. How much he hurt you. It's okay to care of him. It's okay to worry about him, but not too much. It can make you fall into the same thing again. Take a deep breath. Look what you have now, what you have achieved. You are loved, you have everything your ex-husband didn't give you. Leave your past behind. But if you think you have to talk about it, TALK! Sometimes we need to get everything out of our chest ... Tell yourself you will never fall there again. This is a new chapter in your life. And sometimes we have to leave some people behind the door to be happy
@Gigi23 People grieve differently. A year is enough for some, it is not enough for many. And that's okay.
I think it's really between you and your current partner as to what's enough and whether you or both of you feel comfortable.