I don't know how to cope with the pain

@Yessicaaatt

Hi Yessica,I am sorry to hear this ,I can only imagine how difficult all this must be for you.A divorce or Break up can be extremely painful because it represents the loss,not just of the relationship but also of the dreams and commitments you shared.

please feel free to message me if you would like to talk or any of the other wonderful listeners in here.

Hi my name is Sean, I've recently ended a relationship with someone after 3 1/2 years. I had a son that she was involved with for the last 3 years. We lived together this last year. I can honestly say that is wasn't a healthy relationship because I'm on a more stable, fatherly, priority driving stage in my life where she is working at a bar and had become an,event coordinator there. I feel,like she chose the bottle and that lifestyle over my son and I. I know she was aready like this b4 we met, but was given the impression that she wanted to have a family. ( her family life was broken and very difficult and she also couldn't have kids) I truly believed in her desire to do this with me until I realized all the times she chose to drink or stay out instead of coming home to us. I feel betrayed and used. I just want to get over this but, I've found that even telling her that it was time to leave (which she did like she was waiting for an excuse) I find myself wishing to get her back when she tells me she's holding a grade against me... any help will do. I'm hoping to get to the next level of understanding and to put this toxic relationship behind me, because it seems like she has without any problem....

@Yessicaaatt

Maybe its time for you to grieve and find answers in yourself about why he became your world. Sounds like there are other things that you could search out about you.

@Yessicaaatt

Hi Yessica,

I thought I would write to you and see how you are doing. I am in the same situation as you, My ex-boyfriend of three years, ended our relationship 3 weeks ago, we had a huge argument( not the first) and he flipped and packed his stuff and he was gone. Our relationship was full of highs and lows, mainly lows. We loved each other very much but the arguments and his lack of communication finally killed it all.

The first few days I was crying my eyes out, I thought there was nowhere out of this situation, I wanted him back and I was so sad for the way it happened. We met a few days later and he helped me with some things in the house and with my car whilst he collected the rest of his things from the house ( we lived together all that time...unhealthy), he was sending mixed signals, so I called him the next day and he let rip...he said he didn't want to be with me anymore ( we must have broken up at least 4 times and he always came back...) I knew he was having a bad day but he said some mean and hurtful things, said he wanted to be friends. I said I cannot be because it would be too hard.

I gave everything to this guy, I finally thought I had met the one...even though we argued a lot we always made up and got back together. So this time it is different, I was so sad for the first week...crying..not eating, depressed and sad. I thought there was no way forward. Now I starting to heal, it has been 3 weeks now and we are currently on the NC stage. I have found it easier to move on and try to learn how to love myself again.

When we are in relationships like ours, we give our all and we forget who we are ourselves. We want to please and make sure that our partner gets what they want so that they stay. Especially if you, like me, broke up with your ex again and again.

Once when we broke up...he told me he did not love me anymore. That hurt and that stayed in head and heart up until this moment still....after he said that we got back together, but that was always there. I found it hard to be happy and feel like I was safe with him...he said he said those things in anger to hurt me, but they must have come from somewhere.

Anyway, to wrap this up. It is 3 weeks now, no contact and I feel better, I have been learning to love myself again. Going to the sauna, gym and finally, I am eating well again.

It will pass hun and I know it is cliche but if it is meant to be it will be, I know you feel like you are lost without him but you are still you, Take this experience to improve the things you do not like about yourself....stop imaging him with other girls. Easier said than done but I know that is the one thought that ends up destroying us. Stay busy and love yourself.

If you find yourself thinking of him..then think it. It is better then pushing those thoughts away, they will return but with force. It is one of the hardest things in the world to lose the love of your life, but you will be ok, it will take time but things will get better and that sinking feeling in your stomach will subside. Stay strong and if you want to talk just message me. Good luck with all hun x